Chapter 29

                                    

                                          
a/n: this is a double update so make sure to read this chapter first!!
                          


                          
Sawyer 
                          
"I don't really know where to start so I'm just going to start from the beginning." Harry says those exact words to me softly. 
                          
I don't quite know what to say in response so I choose not to interrupt and let him carry on. I have a feeling this is much bigger than I thought and not going to lie I'm scared shitless. I can't tell if he's exaggerating when he says I'll never want to see him again. There's nothing he could tell me that would keep me away from him. I mean maybe if he was a serial killer but I'm willing to discuss that. 
                          
Just kidding. 
                          
Not really. 
                          
 "In order to explain my part I need to explain how everything started. As you know I own Medicine and I got it from my grandpa. Well that's not all that I got from him I guess you could say." 
                          
"Okay what else did you get? I'm really confused Harry. What does this have to do with tonight?" I ask him, losing sight of how this is important. 
                          
"I uh- fuck." He mutters. "I don't know how to explain this to you without you flipping out."
                          
"Just tell me Harry. I promise I won't flip out. You're being honest, that's all that matters." I reassure him. 
                          
"Okay. It's hard to explain. When my grandpa opened he wanted to find a way to make more money due to the fact that artists get a cut of all the sales we make. All though their cut in the scheme of things isn't that much, he was greedy and wanted every penny." He pauses and takes a long deep breath before continuing.
                          
"He decided to illegally make copies of the vinyls and sell them as if they were authentic. He made exact copies and no one noticed, so he did it for years just in Medicine."
                          
"I don't understand how any of that is your fault Harry. It's not like you created it. Why would I be mad at you for something you grandpa did?"  
                          
"That's the thing Sawyer you don't understand. I still do it. I've done it since I took over Medicine. I even branched out and we sell them worldwide. Sawyer, we never stopped, if anything when I took over we blossomed into something way bigger and much more illegal."
                          
I take a deep breath and get up off the bed. "What do you mean you sell worldwide? Like worldwide as in you sell illegally made records in order to cheat artists out of their hard earned money?"  I huff out. 
                          
"It's wrong, I know but I can't get out of it. We have loyal customers and I don't think it would be smart to test them. Going through me to get these records increases not only my profit margin but also there's." 
                          
"So you're telling me, you are selling everyone fake fucking records. Harry you've got to be kidding me. Does Mitch know?" I say, raising my voice.
                          
"I honestly don't know Sawyer. Not all of them are copies. If they are an older band they tend not to be because those are hard to find and if we have too many popping up it would be obvious what we are doing. And yes Mitch knows, so does Sage. They both help me run the business but it's not their fault one bit, I never wanted them to be a part of it." 
                          
He stands up and moves to reach for my hand, quickly I move my hand and take a step away from him. 
                          
"Please tell me what's going through your head. I know you're mad but I want to answer any question you have. I can't lose you." He begs.
                          
"Harry, I'm overwhelmed and honestly pretty pissed off. I know it's not all your fault but you still choose to do it. You chose to expand when you could have just left it how it is." I explain to him.
                          
Once again he reaches out to grab a hold of my arm and hug me. "Harry, please don't touch me right now, because if you do I know I won't be mad anymore and that can't happen." I take a deep breath before continuing. "I really need some time to process this alone. I need to go home Harry. Take me home now please." I urge him.
                          
He just shakes his head in response and begins to grab my bags from beside my side of the bed. Without saying a word I open the bedroom door and make my way downstairs. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. He's a criminal. He's broken the law countless times and from what I understand he has no plans to stop. Even if he did stop I don't know if I would want to pursue whatever we have going on. I feel like I don't know anything about him now. Was anything he ever told me actually true? 
                          
"Come on sweet girl, let's get you home."
                          
"Don't call me that right now Harry. Not when I'm disappointed in you." I snap at him.
                          
Harry looks up at me and I can see the pain forming in his eyes. I know my words cut into him like a knife but I don't care, he did this to himself by lying to me. 
                          
***
                          
After what felt like forever we finally arrive at my place. The whole car ride we sat in silence, he didn't even try to hand me his phone to pick music. The second he stops the car I grab my bag and open the door to get out. 
                          
"Wait Sawyer, I can't leave like this. Please just tell me what's going through your head."
                          
I huff out a breath and finish getting out of the car before turning around to face him. "I couldn't tell you what's going through my head because I don't even know. I'm not ready to even talk about this with you. I need some time. I'll um- call you when I'm ready, I promise." I say holding back tears. I don't want to be apart from him, I hate it. I don't like going through my day not looking forward to seeing him.   
                          
"I understand. I'll give you all the time you need." He assures me.
                          
Closing the car door, I don't make eye contact with him as I make my way up to my front door. I can feel his stare as I walk up the path to my door. The one thing I love about him is he always makes sure I get inside okay. Once I close my door I hear his car pull away into the darkness. Yet another reason why I feel safe with him.
                          
As quiet as possible I make my way into my bedroom trying not to wake up the two idiots sleeping in the other room. I wish I could talk to them about this but I don't want to get them involved. This is a need to know situation and I'll figure it out on my own. At least I think I'll be able to figure it out. I shouldn't even have to figure this out, the answer should be clear. I need to end whatever I have with him. I mean for Christ's sake he's basically a criminal. But somewhere deep in my stupid heart I still lov- like him. Even though he has made some pretty shitty life choices, I just can't see my life without him anymore. My thoughts are consumed by him daily. I think about what he's going to wear when I see him or if his hair is going to be curly or straight. Yes you heard me right. That man has better hair than me and he knows it. 
                          
You see I just can't be mad at him for long. It's impossible I swear. Yes, I'm a little frustrated still but I can't blame him for all of it right? No. I need to stop going over this in my head. What he is doing is morally wrong and there is no excuse. I can't keep making excuses in my head to justify what he does. If he doesn't stop, then we are over. I refuse to let myself be okay with this. No guy is worth it. 
                          
Right now I'm not ready to have that conversation with him. I need to take the next couple of days to figure out what the fuck I'm going to say to him because I know the second I see him I'll cave. 
                          
For tonight or I should say this morning, I'm not going to think about it again and go to bed. Thinking about it just makes me angry and sad so there is no point in doing that. This is a problem for tomorrow morning. Right now all I need to worry about is how I'm going to explain to Alyssa and Niall why I magically appeared in my bed.