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A S T H E P O E T S S A Y "he is half my soul, as the poets would say."
—
ALL THE GUILT HAS BEEN EATING ME alive.
I don't think I can take it much longer. I can't stay mad at Drew for more than a day, but oh how I enjoy holding grudges. I couldn't tell you why, but it just gives me a sense of pride—a sense of power that I crave. I wish I could just give it up.
Poor Drew probably thinks he was right—that I was cheating. In full truth, I wasn't. Not even close. Whatever rumours he believes are purely rumours. He probably hates me; probably wants to break-up with me. We nearly did last night. Break-up, I mean.
In contrary to how bad I'm feeling for Drew, I'm so displeased and hurt that he doesn't trust me. I thought he knew how much I love him, and how I'd do anything for him. Does it now show through all of our dumb conversations, and how we lose track of time?
But there's nothing like doing nothing with you.
I will never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me. But maybe this is it. Maybe this is the end. Maybe this is how long he will let me. All of it, gone down the drain.
I'm seated in my living room currently, Drew has gone out. I'm unsure where, but I do know he probably won't be back for awhile.
The morning sun peeked through the curtains, creating a soft glow to spread across the room. The room is silent, besides my quiet sobs leaving my mouth.
Tears trickle down my face like a river. I can't bear losing this boy. I love him so much, but he doesn't even realize it.
The door opens suddenly, interrupting me and my thoughts. I turn my tear stained face to the door, and watch a tall figure walk through the door. It's Drew.
He hesitates before closing the door when he sees me. We don't say a word, just stare at each other. He sighs, before closing his eyes momentarily and closing the door. I don't say anything, no matter how badly I want to. I just turn away and continue to sit there, drowning in my thoughts again.
"Y/n?" His voice comes out raspy, and weak. I can't tell if it's from all his yelling last night, or if he had been upset about this too. I turn to face him again. "Can we talk?" He asks, and this time I nod my head, creating space for him on the couch.
He comes and sits down, and as he gets closer, I realize his eyes are red and puffy too, as if he had also been crying. He lets out a shaky breath, making infinitesimal movements towards me, as if he's unsure how I'll react.
"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know why I lashed out on you like that." He paused for a moment, unsure of what to say next, but then he continued like a breeze. "I should've never even thought you were cheating. I trust you, believe me, I do. I trust you so much, and I feel awful that I acted that way. I'm so sorry... and I love you. So much."
I just sat there, tears still streaming down my face. A couple tears flowed down his face as he spoke, but his voice was still steady as ever. He must've been expecting a different answer from me, cause he was surprised when I said: "Have I told you lately, that I'm grateful you're mine?"
He smiled, and his face was like the sun. "You don't have to." He said, sitting himself closer to me. He planted a kiss to my cheek, before pulling me in for my lips to crash onto his. He kissed me tentatively at first, as though he was still testing the waters.
He pulled apart, and embraced me in a warm hug. A hug that was much needed. "I love you." I tell him, before adding: "let's never fight again."
He chuckles, before nodding his head against my shoulder. "Agreed." He says, and I ease into the hug even more.
He is half my heart, as the poets would say. Nothing could break me and Drew apart. It was like a magnetic force, that always pulled us back together in the end. I could recognize him from touch alone. I knew his scent, his laugh, his everything by heart. I know where each of his scars are and how he got them. I know how to make him laugh, and how he liked it when I run my fingers through his hair.
