seventy seven

                                    

                                          
this is a triple update so make sure you've read chapter seventy six!
                          
she's here. 
                          
all of the screaming, the pain I couldn't even begin to describe, the swollen everything, the peeing every five seconds and the current excruciating pain my vagina was in; it was all worth it when she was in my arms. 
                          
billie leans over beside me and we both look down at the screaming angel in my arms. 
                          
"hi princess" billie whispers while her voice breaks, looking down at our daughter in awe.
                          
billie kisses my forehead and whispers "you did it my love" 
                          
they take her to get weighed and  clean her off and I lie back onto the bed and close my eyes.
                          
I am so fucking exhausted. 
                          
and I'm pretty sure my vagina has been ripped apart.
                          
when they hand her back to me, she's not crying anymore and I get to hold her against my bare chest, stroking her head with my finger.
                          
billie and I couldn't decide on a name, we both had so many choices.
                          
but while I was at my dads house, I found my mothers birth certificate.
                          
Louise was her middle name, not her first.
                          
apparently when she was growing up she hated using her first name.
                          
but we love it.
                          
not just because it's my mothers name, but because of the meaning; she who makes happy
                          
baby bean is going to be named after my mother.
                          
and now she's in my arms, her name is perfect.
                          
once I've birthed the placenta and they've cleared me up, also confirming I haven't actually ripped my vagina, it'll just be sore for the next few days,  billie is sitting on the chair beside me, holding her in her arms. 
                          
"are you ready to meet your grandparents?" billie whispers to her. while I've been getting checked over and cleaned up, billie has been talking to her and singing to her.
                          
I am so blessed.
                          
billie stands up and hands me our baby "I'll go and get them, are you feeling okay?" she strokes my hair and I nod, closing my eyes when she leans down and peck my lips. 
                          
before she can leave the room, the nurse comes in and our little girl must notice because she begins to cry.
                          
"I'm correct in saying you want to breastfeed?" I nod my head and the nurse explains starting now will be best. I lower my hospital gown and guide my nipple into her mouth and she immediately starts to suckle.
                          
oh my god. 
                          
"it takes a while for some babies but she must be hungry!" 
                          
our baby wraps her little fingers around billies finger while she suckles and settles down. "these boobies were mine first, you better not hog them princess, you hear me?" billie whispers to her and I roll my eyes.
                          
I have two boobs billie, it's not like they're going anywhere. 
                          
"go and get our parents while she's settled"
                          
"but you have your boobs out"
                          
"I'm always gonna have my boobs out"
                          
billie leaves the room and I take a moment alone with my baby girl. "you're going to be spoilt rotten. I promise you that you're gonna have the best life anyone could ever ask for"