Chapter 9

                                    

                                          
Xiao Zhan had a poor alcohol tolerance. By the time Yibo arrived, he had fallen asleep on the table. Yibo paid his bills and took him in the car. He wanted to drive Xiao back to his own apartment but it was quite late and it was going to be difficult to get a taxi back so he took Zhan to his home instead.
                          
He opened his eyes when he was being carried into the car and he also opened his eyes when he was being carried out of the car, into the house. This was the second time Yibo was seeing Xiao Zhan this drunk.
                          
Sensing his familiar smell, Xiao Zhan, who was being carried on the back, buried his nose in Yibo's neck and took in a deep breath.
                          
This unexpected action made Yibo feel ticklish, he involuntarily tried to move away but the more he tried, the more Zhan moved closer.
                          
Yibo placed him on the bed and left to lock the door properly. He was getting ready to sleep when Yang Zi called him so he had his pyjamas under the shirt he threw on.
                          
By the time he returned, Xiao Zhan was no longer in bed but Yibo could hear him in the bathroom. He had succumbed to the effect of drinking too much which made him uncomfortable and the contents of his stomach came pouring out.
                          
A while later, Yibo noticed he hadn't heard any more sounds from the bathroom and Xiao Zhan was still not out, so he went in to have a look and found Xiao Zhan seated in the bath tub fully clothed. Xiao Zhan took a bath every night, even in his subconscious state, he remembered to get into the bath tub.
                          
"Let me help you undress", Yibo moved to help him unbutton but Xiao Zhan caught his hands in a grip. As if recognizing the person trying to undress him, his gaze softened a little and he let go of his hands. Yibo, with a little difficulty, took of his clothes.
                          
Yibo didn't know where the strength to restrain himself came from when he came face to face with Xiao Zhan's pale fully naked body once again.
                          
He turned on the hand shower, set the temperature to a comfortable warmth and directed the water at Xiao Zhan's body. Xiao Zhan seemed to be expecting the water as he gave very little reaction when the water touched his skin.
                          
Seeing he wasn't moving, Yibo wanted to help him wash up properly but he couldn't bear to. If he laid his hands on him, this would be the end of their already estranged relationship.
                          
He watched as the water dripped down his neck to his chest, this particular drop of water lingered on the pink bud on his chest, Yibo gulped at the sight. Like a curious child, he wanted to reach out and touch it but at that particular moment, Xiao Zhan made a slight movement and the water drop slid off, merging with another and falling on the bathtub.
                          
Xiao Zhan seemed to remember to wash himself. He ran his hands slowly all over his body. Yibo gave him a liquid wash while he washed himself. If it wasn't for his drunken state, Yibo would have felt Xiao Zhan was doing it on purpose. His little brother in his trouser was already standing at attention and Yibo felt the burning urge to take this person right there and then.
                          
Xiao Zhan moved his hands down to that spot between his legs. He was still seated so he had to spread his legs to get a proper wash. Yibo wanted to keep looking so badly but in order to retain himself, he turned around while still directing the water towards Xiao Zhan's body.
                          
Even though he wasn't looking, he could hear the sound of that placed being rubbed over and over. This was supposed to be the sound of one washing up, just like Xiao Zhan was but to Yibo, this was complete torture.
                          
The bath time took longer than he imagined but it finally came to an end. He wrapped Xiao Zhan up in a large towel and helped him walk to the room. After throwing up, Xiao Zhan felt a little more comfortable even if he was still muddle headed.
                          
After changing into a set of pyjamas, the duo lay down to sleep, each facing the wall. After an unknown time, Xiao Zhan's mind had cleared up a lot and he heard Yibo breathing deeply. He figured he was asleep. He turned around, facing Yibo's back and moved closer to him.
                          
"Bo...", he whispered almost inaudibly. "...I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize my feelings but I think I've come back too late. You already got yourself a boyfriend. It's a good thing and I'm happy for you. As much as I wish I can turn back time, I really cannot. I've messed up every single relationship I've been in but none hurt as much as messing up what we had and hurting your feelings. I want to remain friends, I really do but knowing how I feel, I cannot bear to watch you be with someone else. I know it sounds a little selfish but...that's how I feel. I'm sorry".
                          
Xiao Zhan took in a deep breath and remembered the look on Yibo's face every time he got into a relationship. The only time he didn't react so badly was with Yang Zi. Zhan also remembered how Yibo begged him desperately not to leave him but he on the other hand had heartlessly pushed him away. How come he didn't realize it sooner? Was it because Yibo was always with him, he was his only friend so he subconsciously felt he was going to be with him indefinitely.
                          
Now, Yibo found someone and he seemed happy, it seemed he was no longer important to Yibo but who would blame Yibo? Didn't he also deserve to make himself happy? Xiao Zhan realized that Yibo had kept himself for him for all this time, he just wasn't bold enough to admit his feelings.
                          
Xiao Zhan moved closer to Yibo, buried his face in his neck and sucked in a deep breathe. Soon, he began to sob lightly. He was still exhausted from being drunk, coupled with the familiar comfortable smell, he soon drifted off to sleep.
                          
After confirming he had truly slept, Yibo finally breathed in and out deeply, slowly untying the knot that had formed in his chest as he listened to Xiao Zhan cry.