62 | Divulgence

                                    

                                          
I updated on Sunday so make sure you read chapter 61 before this if you haven't already!!
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Diana De Angelais

I couldn't exactly say what was happening in this moment of time. Because I didn't know if it was real or not. I was so tired, so tired that I was convinced my mind was playing tricks on me.
I woke up, but maybe I didn't, maybe I was still asleep, and this was a dream.
No, but I was sure I had woken up because I heard shouting, I remember the pit in the bottom of my stomach when I heard loud voices echoing through the hallways. And after still being on edge after what happened earlier tonight, I assumed the worst.
I was alone in bed, besides Donut who had made himself quite comfortable on my stomach.
All I wanted to do was find Harry.
And all at once, it felt like the reality of the world had struck me, I couldn't live in the little happy bubble of pretending everything was okay anymore.
When I saw what was behind the door that I had always been curious about, it felt like that last ounce of warmth had left me.
The absence of any sort of comfort was agonising, because I was always so used to being scared and knowing I had that safe place to go back to.
I didn't feel like I had that anymore, the comfort, the security; It simply no longer existed.
Home- that's what it now felt like, not Harry's apartment that I lived in too, it was home, and home was where I was always safe, and we lived in a happy little bubble.
But the bubble hadn't just been popped, it had been fucking destroyed. Because home didn't feel safe anymore.
This whole portion of Harry's life was something I knew so little about, and I told myself I didn't need to know about it unless he wanted me to. I promised myself I would never ask, and I would be patient with him.
I knew it was a part of him I'd rather not know, and the explanations he had given me I knew had been watered down to not scare me away. I knew it was always something bigger, scarier and more dangerous.
But this isn't what I expected to see.
Standing in the middle of the room I had never been in, staring at a half-conscious man tied to a chair surrounded by hundreds of weapons that I could see had been used - I felt nothing.
I wasn't scared, I wasn't upset, I wasn't angry or nauseous like I thought I'd be.
I felt nothing.
It was like I had finally opened my eyes to the horrible reality that I had been avoiding facing for the past few weeks.
I turned my head to the side, looking at Harry who had already been staring at me with a look of pure horror in his eyes.
He took a step forward, reaching his hand out to me.
I took a step back.
I watched Harry's horrified expression change to grief in a split second, he pulled himself back, looking pained by the fact that I had taken a step away from him. "Diana....please baby"
"What the fuck Harry?" I tried to keep myself calm. I had been hearing his mumbling for a while, asking me to get out of the room so he could explain it all to me when I was less...numb - in a state of shock that I couldn't bring myself out of. But I didn't want to hear it later, "I want to hear it, right now"