Chapter 13: Is a tombstone etched with my name

                                    

                                          
This chapter doesn't have a soundtrack exactly. The song just fits the theme. If you'd like to listen to it after you finish the chapter to feel it, feel free to do so ^^ 
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🥀YOONGI🥀
I let the hot water from the showerhead roll over my back and I leaned my hands on the cold wall. 
The clock had just hit 3 am when I went back to the hotel. I wandered on the streets for hours, trying to get rid of the crushing feeling inside my chest. It seemed the consequences of my actions had finally been processed by my brain, and I just couldn't deal with the idea of going back to my hotel room as if I hadn't just killed a man.
While I concocted the plan inside my head, everything was fine but once I realized what I had done, aside from being sick to my stomach, I just couldn't stay still. My eyes seemed to play tricks on me once Hobi left along with the wolf. Every dark corner looked just a bit darker than normal and every noise startled me as I almost jogged through the streets at night, sweat running down my temples.
I roamed around the city for hours until I finally stopped at a 24/7 drugstore to buy medical supplies and some snacks because I was starving, even though the thought of food made me sick. 
Touching the brim of my cap, I pushed it down even more to hide my face. I knew the guy behind the register wouldn't be able to see my face or the gash on my swollen cheek. I just didn't want anyone laying their eyes on me. 
I don't think I would be able to even look at myself in the mirror if I had a chance. 
What happened a few hours ago changed me in ways I could never imagine. My actions went against what I believed when I was alive. So much so, that my own mind seemed to have split, pushing my consciousness to the corner while my body did all the work and I watched, not able to do anything. 
But eventually, I had to face myself. Once I got to the hotel, I stared into my own eyes and they seemed darker to me. Just as broken as I felt.
It's not going to be easy for you, child, I will tell you that, Jin had said.
At the time I was blind to the consequences my actions might bring, but now they were crystal clear. I was paying blood with blood, so to speak. And every time I did it, I lost a part of myself for the heinous act. It didn't matter if the motherfuckers deserved it or not, because I still believed they did. 
Still, I was violating human nature. I was interrupting lives, however insignificant and worthless they might be. 
The image staring back at me as I gripped the edges of the sink wasn't one of a murderer. I could see the boy I once was, with his black hair falling over his eyes, with the bad habit of biting his nails to the quick. With tears and fear in his eyes as he told his father that he didn't want a career as a businessman, that he'd found himself in music instead.
But that boy was dead.
Min Yoongi died twice. Once at the hospital, and again when he killed for the first time.
So I didn't hesitate when the strong scent of hydrogen peroxide invaded my nostrils or when my scalp burned while the chemicals did their job of devoiding my tresses of all its color. 
Now I was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at my reflection on the TV's dark screen. The region over my cheek was swollen and it stung like hell, the skin felt hot under my touch.
I hadn't thought about what I would tell Yun to explain my injury. A bar fight? She didn't know me well enough to figure I would never get into a brawl with someone unless my life depended on it. My emotional instability could be a good alibi as well.