Chapter 60

                                    

                                          
Xander's POV:
                          
My grip tightened on the glass, the hand in my pocket balling as her voice sounded out from behind me.
                          
I'd like to think that it was just out of shock, but I knew it had more to do with preparation.
                          
This was my first time seeing her since...
                          
I winced at the very thought, just from scenes from that night to flash across my eyelids.
                          
That sound of Doe's scream ringing through my ears and the picture of Layla's body hovering over hers, claws extended.
                          
I drew in a long breath, taking another gulp of this blood in hopes that it would help me get through the night.
                          
Help what was dormant in my body to stay dormant at such a public event.
                          
I didn't turn to greet her, just saw Nico raise his hand in a half-assed greeting.
                          
And just like that, that typical look of stoic uninterest came over his face.
                          
The same face I'd get whenever I used to talk about her to him or whenever it happened to be the three of us.
                          
The kind of 'sit back and just watch to see what unfolds' kind of attitude.
                          
I couldn't believe myself for being surprised at the sight of it.
                          
This was what I'd set myself up for.
                          
Despite telling myself that Nico was my stability for the night, he didn't know that.
                          
And in all honesty, I had no right to ask nor expect it from him.
                          
Not with how many times he's warned me of what she wanted.
                          
He was just keeping consistent with what he's had to deal with me before.
                          
And if we were going off of consistency, then I can pretty much kiss any more casual conversation with Nico goodbye now that she was here.
                          
I knew he only talked to her out of formality, and me, well... because I'm his brother.
                          
And as he said himself, not one that he's proud of. Not anymore.
                          
Even though the short conversation we just had, ad nervous as it made me, was the most lighthearted one we've had in a while. 
                          
Why did I ever begin to tell myself that this was okay?
                          
That tarnishing my relationship with the person I was once so close to was worth it?
                          
That any of this was worth it?!
                          
That regret grew deeper and deeper, digging itself into my chest and squeezing my lungs and heart.
                          
It felt like it was going to kill me and at this point, I just might let it.
                          
I did, however, notice a slight confused pinch in his brows the next time he met my eyes.
                          
The closest thing to a curious look from him I think he could muster given the circumstance.
                          
I couldn't discern the look on my face right now, all I knew is that it didn't match the Xander I've portrayed myself as in front of him.
                          
Her arm brushed mine as she finally reached us, a feeling that had once had me cherishing her very existence, now just left me feeling foolish.
                          
But thankfully didn't stir anything else other than that.
                          
I thought a touch alone would have been enough to leave me fighting with myself again, but that part of me stayed still.
                          
The only reason I could come up with in the moment being that it was because Doe wasn't here.