Chapter 37 - 1 step forward, 3 steps back

                                    

                                          
YOUR POV
                          
Lying on Pansy's lap while she absent-mindedly played with my hair felt peaceful - too peaceful. Both of us were aware of the storm brewing in the wizarding world, but at this moment it didn't matter. Nothing mattered to me except the girl in my bed.
                          
"Since my grandmother ran away to the Muggle world," Pansy explained, "Our family's reputation was jeopardized." 
                          
"The only way to secure our name in the pureblood community was a union between us and another powerful family. Poppy was supposed to secure our family's name by marrying Blaise's brother."
                          
Pansy idly ran circles on my face with her thumb. "But since my sister ran away with her muggle-born boyfriend, Eugene, right before her marriage. My parents became furious - restless, even. Two Parkinson women had run away, it made our family look weak."
                          
"The only way for us to be respected was by forming another union with the Malfoy's. My mother wants me to help Draco in all of his endeavors so that eventually he falls in love with me and I could marry him. In short, I have to assist Draco in his quest for this mission that the Dark Lord has given him." She concluded.
                          
I didn't know what to say. I didn't have any wise words to say. Not only that, but I never thought of life after Hogwarts. Furthermore, I knew that the wizarding world is conservative, and my identity would never be accepted here, but I never worried about my future. Maybe because I had Ced and I always assumed that he would keep me safe no matter what. But things aren't the way it used to be, we are at the brink of a war and nobody is certain about the future.
                          
"Do you like him, though?" I asked. I couldn't contain it, the image of Pansy departing the classroom with Draco's hand in hers still haunted me. Likewise, I didn't know where my relationship stood with Pansy, but I wanted to know if we had a chance or not.
                          
"Who? Draco?" She asked, looking down at my face, which was situated on her thighs, and I nodded.
                          
Pansy looked at me mischievously before snickering, "Merlin, no. Are you jealous?" 
                          
I shook my head 'no' instantly, not trusting myself enough to speak. I wasn't jealous. Not only that, but I just didn't want to be disrespected in that way, and maybe I was a little envious.
                          
"Pansy, what happens next?" I questioned, terrified. I couldn't ignore the most pressing topic - the war that was on its way - our future. It was a delight to pretend that everything was normal for a while, but in reality, everything was not normal, and I needed to know.
                          
Pansy exhaled sharply before saying, "You don't have to worry about that. After this year, you will be going to your parents' home and never come back here."
                          
That made me jolt up abruptly from our bliss. "What's that supposed to mean?" 
                          
"It's dangerous," Pansy informed, as if that would stop me. "And you should stay away and safe." 
                          
"While you and my friends fight," I scoffed, voice devoid of any humor. 
                          
"This is not up for debate. Your father wouldn't let you leave now that the ministry is involved too." 
                          
"But I want to help," I said and stood up so that I could be taller and have an upper hand in our conversation while she was seated on my bed.
                          
Pansy stood up too. "Your help is not required," she glanced over at the clock behind me before saying, "If you interfere then the only thing you'll just be joining your brother."
                          
Fuck her. No, she knew how much Ced meant - means to me. She can't use that after knowing that. I can't keep doing this back and forth with her. One moment she is all soft touches and sweet kisses and other times it's this bullshit. I had enough.
                          
I pushed her, shoving her behind enough to not fall, but still leave an impact. Tears were welling in my eyes. Since therapy, the mention of Ced didn't hurt me as much as it used to, but the way she said it - her voice laced with venom, made me ache for my brother. "You know Ced is a touchy topic for me. Why would you bring him up, huh?"
                          
She huffed mockingly. She didn't even look at me or even try to console me. Furthermore, she had to know she was wrong this time. She should apologize, but all she did was look around and kept her eyes focused at the door.
                          
"It's been years now, Y/N," She scoffed, "Get over it."
                          
That was my last straw. I could deal with her mood swings. I could deal with her coldness. I could deal with the fact that she worked for You Know Who. What I couldn't deal with, or even excuse was her slandering my brother as if she didn't know how hard it was for me. She pretended like she wasn't the one that held me while I broke down.
                          
"Get out," I seethed, trying to contain the frustration and anger I was feeling.
                          
She signed in what felt like relief and left my room. Why was she relieved? Did I read the situation or our conversation entirely wrong? Did she mention Ced intentionally to get a rise out of me?
                          
I locked the door behind her and went straight to the bathroom. Although, 2 years had passed, I still missed Ced every day. 
                          
I cried myself to sleep that night - unaware of the storm that had reached our doorstep.
                          
Multiple frantic knocks woke me up the next morning. It wasn't even morning yet. 
                          
It must be Pansy, I assumed. She had finally come back to her senses. I decided I wasn't going to forgive her easily this time. What she said about Ced was uncalled for and blatantly rude. She had no right to go there.
                          
When I opened the door, I was met with a very distressed-looking Cho." 
                          
"What are you doing - " I began, but a yawn escaped my mouth. I collected myself before trying again, but she cut me off.
                          
"We have to go. Now," She said, looking around like she was scared that someone would catch her. Was someone following her?
                          
"Why? What's wrong-"
                          
"I'll explain later, but please come with me now," She pleaded. I had so many questions, but seeing her distressed form made me nod immediately. She gave me a tight-lipped smile that didn't reach her eyes and took my hand in hers.
                          
I could hear unfamiliar laughs, sounds of things crashing, a duel occurring in the distance. But I didn't know what to say, so I just followed Cho.
                          
Once we reached outside Hogwarts, we were met with all the students settled on boats that were leading towards the Hogwarts express.
                          
And then I finally turned over to Cho and found a scared expression on her face. "What's happening, Cho?"
                          
She sighed tiredly before explaining, "Professor Dumbledore is dead. A few followers of You Know Who came here and killed him. They're wreaking havoc everywhere. The students are advised to leave the premise while the professors dealt with it." 
                          
"What? Hogwarts is the safest place. How -"
                          
She cut me off again and pointed towards a half-filled boat, "Hagrid suspects false play and an inside job."
                          
My bewilderment must be clear on my face because she lightly yanked me towards the boat. Pansy. I looked around at all the boats. She wasn't here. Neither was Draco.
                          
And then I cognized what Pansy meant when she said, 'I have to assist Draco in his quest for this mission that the Dark Lord has given him.'
                          
Merlin, I was never going to see her again, was I?
                          
When the boat was filled with students, it started moving. Cho sniffled beside me, but I was too lost in my thoughts to console her. I took one last glance at the school that was becoming more distant as the boat moved forward.
                          
"In another life," I whispered to no one in particular. My vision became blurry as I exhaled an unkept promise. "I could love you, Pansy."
                          
A/N- On one hand I'm like, "Oml, this is so sad." and on the other I'm like, "Ew emotions." 
                          
They are getting a bit toxic but dw I'll fix it or will I?
With love,
Pri