Chapter 62

                                    

                                          
Harry Styles 
                          
I've been living back in Manchester for three months now. I've found myself a flat and I'm reenrolled in classes and Manchester University. Every Friday we all have a big family dinner with Regina, Joey, Kara, Marylou, Kara, Holden and their kids. 
                          
It's become a nice little tradition that we have for ourselves. Kara has even started to come and stay with me a few days a week, she's been adjusting to the knew information very well but I am still Harry to her which is completely fine. 
                          
I also changed my major from law to business because I had no intention of going to law school or working in a law office at all. I felt like I could do more with a business degree and I would be happier with in all in all. 
                          
I got an internship at a news office as a fact checker which is something to start off with and I have a job on the side at a local brewery to pay the rent at my flat. It's a good gig , I work nights and I have day classes three times a week. 
                          
It was around midnight and Kara was coming to get dropped off in a bit but she had a birthday party tonight and then she wanted to go get ice cream with Kai so that's why it's a little later than normal. 
                          
I pulled out my chair from my dining room and opened my old notebook and took the pen that was sitting on my ear and stuck it between my teeth. My heart was beating out of my chest, I've been trying to do this for the three months that I have been here and I haven't done it justice. 
                          
I stood up frantically and the chair scrapped loudly against the wood as I strode over to my fridge and opened it up to take up a beer and cracked it open. I walked back over to the table and took the pen out of my mouth and poured the alcohol down my throat. 
                          
I stared down at the piece of paper from where I stood and felt an knot tying itself over and over inside of my gut. I chugged the rest of the beer from the glass bottle and tossed it in the trash can adjacent to me. 
                          
I could do this. I've done worse shit in life that acquired a lot more courage. But this , I feel like the cowardly fucking lion. It's not like I'm facing her or anything - she's in New York still and I'm here. 
                          
I huffed loudly and went back to the fridge and grabbed another beer and popped the cap open. I swished the liquor around in my mouth and heard my heartbeat in my ears. It looked like the table was lightyears away but I was right here , right near it. 
                          
I'm scared of a fucking piece of paper, I'm a fucking pussy is what I am. Get a grip, Styles, you can do this. I took a deep breath in and went back over to my seat and sat down loudly and slammed by beer onto the table. 
                          
I was moving the pen in my hand back and forth but steadied my hand and pressed it down onto the paper.
                          
Dear, Thea
                          
That's a good way to start, right? I don't need like an introduction or anything , seems pretty straight forward and to the point. It's a letter , an apology letter and it should be an apology for the shitty things I've done - did.
                          
I did the right thing for myself, I know I did. If I didn't come back than I wouldn't have reconnected with Kara in the way that I have. We've always been close but we've grown closer these past few months in a way a Father and daughter would if she was just growing up with me as her parent. 
                          
I'm going into my senior year of University with a major that I don't hate and don't dread the day that I'm going to graduate anymore because of it. I haven't felt this put together in my life in a really long fucking time - not even that I don't think I've ever felt this productive in my life. 
                          
I loved my time in New York and I loved my time with Thea , I really did. But I felt so out of place there sometimes. Maybe one day I'll go back to visit , I don't know. She was like a dream, a beautiful , wonderful, green eyed dream. But sadly all dreams have to come to an end.