chapter 3: the mistress

                                    

                                          
this one's extra cursed ! thank you again for my friends for contributing comtributions to the story !
                          
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Kamiya moaned one last time, finishing his live stream for a website called hintayXXX.com. Kamiya sat up from Shark's unconcious body, shutting down his booger computer, groaning when the mucus followed after his fingertips. "Great, now I have to clean my hands again.." Kamiya complain before shoving his hand into his mouth. He groans at the taste of Shrek's snot and boogers "Mmm.. Shreky is so yummy😩." His stomach grumbled, leaving his body, before a knock was h(e)Ard🍆💦 from the door.
                          
Kamiya runs to the door, tripping over himself and breaking Shrek's floor with my weight alone. Whatever. Shrek had a cheap floor, anyways. He bought it from Jucci because it was on sale. 🙄
                          
He opened my daddy's door to reveal... 
                          
PEPPA PIG!!
                          
"Brooohh- we've been making hintay for youu, brosiff h3hihE." The 8 foot giant pig full of tattoos said in glee, snorting after every word.
                          
His face contorts to one of disgust "Uhm, do I know you?😒💅" He assumes the usual formation, his crusty 10 meter alpha nails in display. He rolls his eyeballs so far deep into his head that they fall over to his hollow skull.
                          
""haAHAhaH mare,,, you don't alala me na???🧐🤨😟😝 *peppa pig oink noise thing*" 
                          
Kamiya suddenly has war flashbacks to when he was four years old, he was an orphan because Jessa killed his parents, that's when he met Peppa Pig, Peppa Pig taught him how to snort baby powder (historians claim that Peppa still snorts to this day) and he and Peppa Pig had many heartwarming memories together, like that one time they peed😫💦 on Tito Jerry's lawn mower. But then Kamiya found out that his real daddy was actually Elon Musky, Elon Musk's brother and was also a billionare. He was shocked when he found out, but he inherited a mansion and 100 million billion dollars because of it. But he woke up the next day and my mansion was gone!!! PEPPA PIG STOLE IT!!! THAT'S WHY HE IS POOR!!! 
                          
"You. Why are you here- Who are you to my Shrek-kun?"
                          
Peppa Pig ignores his question, pulling out a box of cigarettes and forcing it down her throat. "I AM HIS WIFE!!!" She screams for absolutely no reason, only to gasp and choke on the box of cigarettes that is 7 inches deep her throat at the sight of her husband's unconcious body on the ruined floor.
                          
Kamiya pales😶 at the realization, a mysterious liquid escaping his cheap boxers into the floor. 'I am only Shrek's side hoe.' His shoulders slump at that, he's about to run away and punch that homeless man again until...
                          
Shrek woke up because Peppa was so loud, visibly angered. He stomps across his broken floor, "I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!!!🤬🤬🤬" He assessments dominantly, throwing a table at Peppa, breaking 147 of her bones. Peppa Pig passed out on Shrek's Jucci floor, Kamiya didn't know if she was still alive. But he didn't care, Shrek was awake, so now they can go back to smelling farts together💨.
                          
"MmMmmmmMmm~ ogre-chan, you're awake😩👉👈."
                          
"Go back to cleaning my septic tank, Camera." Shrek said with sharp anime husbando eyes, his demeanor cool and collected, very different from his previous state of frustration. Kamiya almost mistakened his Shrexy honey sugar loves for Hulk-kun because he was so angy, LOL.
                          
Kamiya perks up at the mention of his name, awestruck by the way Shrek pronounces it. "I love how you say my name, veggiecakes." 
                          
"Whatever." Shrek ignores Kamiya-sama, turning to his kitchen drawers to drink a beverage, when he does, he passes out once again minutes after. 
                          
"OH NO, DADDY DRANK MY SEPTIC TANK'S CLEANING SUPPLIES AGAIN!!😱😱" Kamiya-sama fainted from shock as well and the advertisement for Zonrox🧴 rolls in.