Fifty-two

                                    

                                          
Hi!
                          
Don't mind me posting a lot because it takes my mind off the fact that school is tomorrow.
                          
I'm gonna vent for a moment. Hope you don't mind.
                          
You can skip past it. It'll be a bit long.
                          
I only have school Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and it's the worst days of the week.
                          
My depression makes it difficult for me to get out of bed anytime before 13-14 and I have to meet in school at 8:30 the two first days and 12 on Wednesdays.
                          
Then if I do succeed in getting out of bed, my anxiety steps in and makes it impossible for me to show up.
                          
You should have seen me on Wednesday.
                          
It was completely pathetic but I actually got on the train and I got to the end station in the city where I go to school but I couldn't get myself to show up because my anxiety became too much so I took the train home again...
                          
But I'm going on antidepressants soon so I hope that'll help me a little.
                          
I also just had to cut my mum out of my life for the second time.
                          
I went to my older sisters birthday when she turned 33 on Wednesday and my mother just kept crossing my boundaries.
                          
She kept asking all these questions and suggested she come out to my home one day to help me get rid of some stuff that is just taking up space, and I didn't have my other older sister to have my back so I was too afraid to stand my ground because I knew my grandma and my oldest sister would be on my mum's side, so I just changed the subject.
                          
Then she grabbed onto my arm and pulled it towards her just to see my tattoo and when I went to leave, I hugged her before she could hug me because the last time when I didn't want to hug her, my oldest sister and my grandma would sigh and comment on it and I'd cry if they did that again.
                          
The next morning, my mum texted me a good morning text and acted like everything was okay so I had to tell her AGAIN that I didn't want her in my life and that caused me so much anxiety again.
                          
Also, I haven't even told my dad that this is happening. I've asked to spend Christmas with him so I can see my grandparents who are both sick.
                          
My dad is toxic and not a good parent either but I'm closer to him and I guess that's because I felt more loved by him when I was young (he taught me that money=love), and now I have trouble with money.
                          
That was a lot.
                          
I'm just gonna... yeah.
                          
Enjoy the chapter!
                          
-
                          
"Well I guess Leah isn't a seer after all." George said as we left the clinic.
                          
"Or maybe she got confused because we told her they'd have the same gender." I said. "First she said it was girls and then she saw boys. Maybe this is what she predicted. She's only five."
                          
"Exactly. She's five. Nearly six, and kids are weird. Maybe she overheard us talk about some stuff."
                          
"She knew about the couples counsellor." I said. "How would she know that when you had just found out?"
                          
"I don't know."
                          
With a sigh, I intertwined my arm with George's and leaned my head against his for a second.
                          
"Do you want to walk back?" I asked. "It's not far. I want to stop by Inez and Dove on our way home."
                          
"Okay." He nodded. "If you promise to sit down with me and get to know Charley."