Chapter 15

                                    

                                          
Carson's POV
Fury was the only thing he felt. Seeing Ben's face after what he did to him, what it cost him. Although Killian was partly to blame, Ben was the one Carson thought would stick up for him. He should have known better. 
"Go away." He said. He could feel Killian's eyes on them from down the hall. He saw Ben's eyes stray, his whole body tensing when he noticed the brunette. 
"Is this what you've been doing all week?" Ben laughed bitterly. "Didn't take long for you to move on."
"Move on?" His tone was incredulous. "Ben, you cost me my future."
Ben looked away. "I told the principal what really happened."
"What?" 
"That's why I came. You should expect a call from her next week."
"What... About you?" Did Ben get himself expelled for him?
"I got suspended." Carson should be angry. If he had gotten expelled, why didn't Ben get the same treatment? Of course, he knew why and he couldn't find it in himself to be angry, not at Ben. Ben did the right thing in the end but he had just spent the week with Killian and Ben knew it. Even if he wanted to try again, would Ben even want that? And what about Killian? 
He groaned. This is why he wasn't supposed to care. Feelings were too complicated. 
"Thank you," he said because what else could he say? Ben nodded, turning to go. Carson wanted to stop him, tell him to stay, ask if they could try again but he let him go, aware of Killian's eyes on him the whole time.
He shut the door behind the golden boy and turned but Killian was nowhere in sight. He checked the kitchen, bathroom, living room but didn't find him until he checked his bedroom. The brunette was laying on his bed, back to him. 
"Are you... alright?" He felt awkward. Emotions and being touchy feely wasn't his thing. Why couldn't he just kick him out the other night like he should have done?
Killian glanced at him before turning back to face the wall. "You love Ben."
"What? I don't-"
"I can see it in your eyes. I imagine it's the same way I look at you." Carson stayed silent at that, watching Killian sit up. "I knew there was something between you- I... I just didn't think it was serious. I'm sorry I came here."
Killian stood up to leave. It's what Carson wanted a few moments ago so why was he sorry to see him leave? Killian paused at the door, as if waiting to see if Carson would stop him. But that wasn't who Carson was and he watched the brunette leave. 
~
He ended up getting a call from the principal Monday with a heartfelt apology and telling him he was free to come back anytime. 
The school was the same, the jocks left him alone but Carson felt completely different. He felt like the new kid all over again, the same anxiety rippling through him. He pulled out a cigarette, relieved by the feeling of smoke filling his lungs. It had been a little while since he last had one, the week Killian stayed over he hadn't touched them at all.
"Carson!" He turned at the sound of Meena's voice. "I'm glad you're back."
"Thanks." Why did he feel so awkward? 
"I just wanted to let you know, if you need someplace to go for lunch or someone to hang with, me and Sky will have space for you."
His heart swelled. "Thank you." He meant it and Meena gave him a smile before making her way into the school with Sky. 
He saw Ben's car pull into the lot but nobody else got out with him. Their eyes met but the golden boy just looked away, slinging his bag over his shoulder before following the crowd. He hated the stinging sensation in his chest. 
He took another puff of his cigarette before putting it out. He thought it would be a good idea to actually be on time for class and not test the principal's patience. He doubted he would get another chance. 
~
Even when he tried, he couldn't focus on what the teachers were saying. But this time it wasn't the lack of interest, although that certainly didn't help. No, this time it was because his mind was elsewhere on a certain boy with blonde hair and green eyes. He also thought of Killian who he hadn't seen yet today. It was odd, the boy rarely missed school. Was it because of him? He shook his head. He couldn't worry about that. It's not like they were that close. Killian will get over him, eventually. But if he was going to try again with Ben... Was he sure that's what he wanted? Ben broke his trust, got him expelled, albiet fixed it, but he also hurt his best friend. He didn't believe Carson when he told him the truth. He shouldn't have done what he did with Killian, he knew that, but Ben completely overreacted. 
He groaned and a few heads turned his way. He gave them a sheepish smile and the teacher rolled his eyes before going back to his lesson.  
He supposed they were right when they said love was complicated... But the question was, did he love Ben?