27

                                    

                                          
Y/N POV
My life after the event became that of a depressing novel. The last days before the protagonist ends her life due to suicide, or at least that's what Hange thought of me. That's why they insisted to Commander Erwin to let me stay in the safety of the  headquarters for a few days.
And a few days turned into a few weeks.
And a few weeks turned into months. 
And now I was forced to wake up every morning, alone, inside a headquarters' bedroom, and with a stack of letters outside my bedroom's door. 
Letters sent by my parents asking for forgiveness due to what happened, due to their negligence and throwing me in the arms of that sick man. 
Letters from Jean, Sasha, and Connie inviting me to go watch them train and eat lunch with them in the cafeteria, hoping that I would feel better soon.
And love letters from Eren, which I kept under my pillow and read some nights when I felt lonely.
But that didn't matter because Armin sometimes came to me at night. He'll lay with me and hold me in his arms. Kiss my forehead and assured me that he was with me, that he's watching over me. 
And sometimes Eren would talk to me. Come to my room and assured me that he was there for me. That he still loved me despite me being pregnant with a mad man's child. That he would wait for me to be ready, and begged me to consider giving him a chance.
Eren's love for me earned me the hate of Mikasa. Mikasa wasn't as hostile as Annie was towards me, but I could see her crumble completely every time Eren chose me over her. Every time Eren spotted me walking with Commander Hange, or having lunch with the jokesters Sasha, Connie, and Jean, and he'd come and join the conversation. Eren would use any opportunity to talk to me, and I could see how much that hurt Mikasa because she loved him.
Mikasa didn't deserved the pain.
And I didn't deserved what happened to me.
It was a rainy Tuesday morning and I was having my physical checkup with Hange.
"How are you?? Have you been feeling depressed? Any thoughts of hurting yourself? Nightmares? PTSD?" Hange asked the same questions they always asked in every physical check up.
"Yes." I always gave the same answers.
"Awww y/n." They sadly frowned. "It's the fourth time in a row you answer yes to all....and I'm so worried about your mental health. I think you should look for professional help. Not getting the help you need might troubled your life as a mother."
"I've been talking to my parents." I lied. They only ever sent me letters apologizing for what happened to me. Letters that I never throughly read. Letters that I never returned. "They say that once I have my baby, they'll help me take care of it." But in reality I planned to give them the baby if it looked like Levi. Leaving the baby on their front door. A reminder on how they ruined my life by marrying me to that psycho. And then I would kill myself.
"That's wonderful!!" Hange exclaimed. Their happy smiled lasted a few seconds while they scanned our surroundings. Once they made sure that we were alone, they spoke again in a husher tone. "Commander Erwin doesn't want me to tell you this to not upset you, but Levi keeps asking for you. He wants to see you and talk to you. I humbly believed that talking to him about what happened could bring you some closure."
My legs felt weak hearing that. I had heard rumors from the whispers of other cadets about Levi screaming my name from the cell. Nothing and nobody could calm him down. But I didn't believe that, not with that strawberry blonde woman going to visit him every day. You'd think she would keep him entertained.
I don't know why but by the time I realized that I agreed, I was already in the underground prison.
The lights were dimmed yellow and the section we were in was relatively quiet.
"He's inside that cell." Hange's hand travelled to the last cell
As Hange escorted me towards the last cell my heart pounded and I could almost feel Armin's comforting arms and hear his soothing voice, assuring me that he won't let anybody hurt me.
Finally I stood in front of the cell and made eye contact with Levi.