Chapter 19

                                    

                                          
                                                               "Telling a Secret"
                          


                          


                          
        I woke up on Tuesday with a feeling of dread settled over me. I couldn’t seem to shake it. It had started a few days before and I had gotten a little bit scared. I didn’t want to start this again. I didn’t want to be depressed. Especially since I had just started getting better. I didn’t tell Luke or my brother. I didn’t want them to worry. 
                          
            I felt like I could still handle it. But this morning it was different. It had become suffocating. I felt like I couldn’t breathe or even move. I slowly made my way out of the bed and walked into my bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and just stared for a minute. 
                          
            I knew what I had to do. I didn’t want to but it’s what’s best. I opened the little bottle and let one of the white pills fall into my hand. Without thinking I popped it into my mouth and swallowed. Then I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked terrible. I knew what was causing this. 
                          
            The day was coming up. I only had three days left. I could feel the tension rising in my body every time a day passed. I think Jason can feel it to but he hasn’t said anything. People keep looking at me funny. I know that they think that I’ll go crazy again. But I won’t. I won’t let myself. I can’t.
                          
            I walked back to my bedroom and looked at Luke lying in the bed. I know that he knows something is going on. For the last couple of days I haven’t been able to look him in the eyes. It just seems to cut at me every time I look at him. He’s just too much right now. I can tell that it hurts him though. 
                          
            I walked over to my closet and changed. While I was pulling on my shirt I could feel the pill start to work. I didn’t take the pressure off but it numbed me a little. I had to roll my shoulders and concentrate on making sure it didn’t change me. I hated his medicine. It made me feel like I was sleep walking.
                          
            I grabbed my things and slowly made my way down the stairs. I felt high which was never a good thing. I saw my brother sitting on the couch with my sister but I just walked passed them and out the door. I walked over to my car and just looked at it for a minute before getting in. 
                          
            Today was going to be a severely long day.
                          
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            I was walking down the hall and I could feel my eyes glaze over. I was trying hard to stop it but the medicine was kicking my ass. It was third period and I was making my way to my locker. I finally reached it and just put my head against it for a minute. 
                          
            “Are you ok,” I heard. I looked up to see Jason staring at me with wide eyes.
                          
            “Sure,” I said as I opened my locker and pulled out the book I needed.
                          
            “No you aren’t. What’s wrong with you,” he asked as he out his hand on my shoulder.
                          
            “Took some medicine,” I said as I turned to walk away.
                          
            “What kind of medicine,” he asked.
                          
            “The crazy kind,” I said without thinking.