wrecking ball

                                    

                                          
i just wanted you to let me in...
4.
When Jennie woke alone in the bed the next morning, she cried. 
She cried until her eyes dried up and she physically could not cry anymore. 
Then she got up, got ready, packed some food, and drove to Lisa's office. She didn't let Lisa know she had cried. She didn't even hint that she was upset. Instead, she entered the office, pulled a chair next to Lisa and unpacked the food. 
Lisa ate it without objection. They didn't speak as they sat together until an hour later when Lisa told Jennie to go home.
"I don't mind doing this, Lisa." Jennie began. "I'll keep trying every single day to save us. Just please tell me that it'll be worth it in the end."
Lisa was silent for a minute before speaking. "Go home, Jennie."
Jennie nodded, stood up and kissed her girlfriend on the head. "Come straight home tonight, Lisa." She said before leaving the office. 
As she drove home, she wondered whether Lisa truly wanted her to leave, or if she was just pushing her away in the hope she would come back every time. They were too old for such games. They had known each other for too long to be testing each other's feelings. Still, Jennie wondered. 
And when Lisa came home that night, Jennie was already in bed. The smell of alcohol was still strong on her breath as Jennie shuffled closer to her. Again, she was met by her back, and again she refused to accept the rejection, holding her close and hoping it would convince her to come back to her.
In the morning, Jennie had work, so she couldn't take a trip to Lisa's office. And Lisa always woke before her, so she didn't see her. It wasn't always like this. There was a time when they would wake at the same time and kiss each other goodbye before leaving. Jennie knew Lisa left earlier now so she wouldn't have to face her.
For the next two weeks, this routine continued. On weekends, Jennie would take food to Lisa's work and sit with her, each day a little longer than the last. On the nights, Lisa would come home a little more sober and get into bed, and eventually, she stopped turning over, instead just laying on her back so Jennie could place her head on her shoulder. Although she didn't hug Jennie back, Jennie was filled to the brim with joy nonetheless.
Jennie knew they were far from fixing everything. It would take a lot more than Lisa allowing Jennie to get closer to her. It went a lot deeper than that. Lisa still had demons that lived inside her and an addiction that probably required professional help, but if Jennie could get close enough then maybe Lisa would let her in and she could help her fight them and support her in getting sober. So, for now, she knew they were on the right path.
At least, that was until the fifteenth night. It was late, later than usual. It was a Saturday and under different circumstances, Jennie would give her the benefit of the doubt, but Jennie knew that Lisa had pushed everyone close to her away and that meant she was more than likely somewhere getting drunk by herself.
Jennie could only be thankful that Lisa always had the foresight to not drive herself home when she got like this. It meant she wasted a fair amount on cab fare, but it was more than worth it to save hers and potentially other lives. 
When she heard the door slam shut downstairs, she hated the fact that she wasn't surprised. Disappointed for sure, but she was doing a good job at keeping her expectations reasonable. After all, it would get worse before it got better.
Getting up and putting her slippers on, Jennie made her way downstairs to see exactly what she would be dealing with. She was pleasantly surprised to see that Lisa was not as drunk as she expected. She was drunk but not completely smashed.