Chapter 66

                                    

                                          
STELLA/CHARMAINE	
                          
The last three and a half weeks without JP have been long, and I've been trying not to let this worrying and nagging feeling I have, take over. 
                          
JP and I have talked consistently but not daily, and when we do, it's usually short. He's been constantly on the go with meetings or interruptions as they come with everything he's in charge of with Uncle Timo's resort construction.
                          
And even though he doesn't always answer when I call him or text him, we talk regularly. I keep looking at the ring on my hand, telling myself I'm overthinking it. 
                          
You always do this. I remind myself.
                          
I'm grateful for the distraction today of going to the mall with Annalisa. We picked up a braided leather bracelet I had engraved for him at the mall with our engagement date. 
                          
I also got him a new switchblade because you can never have too many, in my opinion. He still carries the knife I gave him on his eighteenth birthday; I smile, picturing his face when he sees this one and with what I had engraved on it. 
                          
We also picked up a personalized book I had ordered. I found this idea online, where you could get a book custom-made, based on your life. 
                          
Annalisa had researched it and told me there was a store in the mall that sells the books. So, through their website, I had emailed them what little passages I wanted on each page—ranging from childhood memories, vacations, or just life events that have happened to us, including our most recent times together. 
                          
I just have to put pictures on the sleeves of the pages, above the printed wording, of each page. I plan to give them to him for his birthday next month when we are in Paris, and the thought sends pure happiness through me.
                          
After a couple more hours of shopping, Annalisa and I decide to grab something to eat at the food court. Tobias and Joey sit near us, taking in the busy scene around us. 
                          
Everyone seems to be on edge at the house, and as I look over at them, they hardly touch their food as their eyes are constantly watching those around us, focusing on their hands.
                          
Of course, when I asked if something had happened, they shrug it off, saying "Nothing more than usual," as if that tells me anything.
                          
I focus on the conversation with Annalisa as she tells me she has found a few venues for JP and I's wedding; I nod and smile, but the smells of the food court today are overwhelming. I'm halfway through the soup, and I can longer eat anymore, feeling full and not very good.
                          
"Are you feeling okay?" Annalisa asks me as she looks over at me, taking a sip of her Orange Julius. "You look very pale."
                          
"Yeah, my stomach's just been upset since this morning. I thought soup would help settle it." I tell her.
                          
"Well, let's head back to your house. I want to show you those venues I've found. You can rest while I pull everything up on your laptop." She grabs my tray, taking it to the garbage bin.
                          
I check my phone, hoping to hear from JP, but there are no texts or missed calls. So I decide to send him a quick message.
                          
*Me: Thinking of you and missing you, lover
                          
I see the dots showing he's read the message, and I feel silly for getting excited as I am as I wait to see what his response will be.
                          
*My Love: me too.
                          
The smile on my face falls, but I tell myself at least he's responding, and we're still communicating, even though that unsettling feeling just grows within me.