44.

                                    

                                          
Brett unlocked the door, silently. He didn't know why, but he opened it slowly, carefully, as if he didn't want anyone to hear.
Or what was it? Why? 
He was afraid Eddy had left,  was it? 
He didn't know. 
He entered, still silent, he got on the inside without anything happening.
The door closed behind him. 
Everything was so familiar. The scents, the sounds...a policecar was passing on the streets outside at the bedroomside, someone  on the TV was screaming from the livingroom.
Brett let down his bag and removed his shoes. 
-Eddy? Eddy, you home? He tried,  his voice trembling from insecurity and worry. 
Eddy popped out from the livingroom, his whole face lit up in a bright smile. 
-Oh, hey, love!! 
-Hi
Brett looked down on his own feet, as if he felt ashamed. He did.  He felt something nasty.
Eddy was clearly utterly happy to see him again, he walked over to him, Brett could feel him getting closer. He stopped some cm away, close  but not touching.  
Brett could feel that familiar hand stroking his head, his shoulder,  his arm...Eddy was touching him lightly, as if he was checking if Brett was real. Or maybe a dream or so. 
-You home? He suddenly asked, as if that wasn't clear enough,  Brett was obviously standing right there in front of the door,  right? 
Brett raised his head and looked up on him and nodded. 
Eddy's hand on his neck, his thumb stroking his left cheek. 
-I mean... for good? 
Brett nodded again, his eyes pinned to his love's. 
Eddy greadily took that last step and closed the distance between them, wrapping his both arms around him, holding him tight. 
-God,  I've missed you! 
Eddy's lips poured his love out on him, starting with his head, kept going down his neck. Brett tilted his head to one side, letting him, while he closed his eyes and tried pulling Eddy closer. 
Brett could feel, smell, and taste his only love as his mouth searched for his, coming closer, before claiming him.
A moan let out of him, he couldn't stop it or believe it. Brett heard his own words, as a whisper: 
-Kiss me like you love me! 
-I do! I can't help it! 
-I need you to stay with me, Brett! Don't run away like that! 
- I won't. 
-If you run, I won't follow, you know that now. I want you to stay and talk to me! We ve already come so far...
I ve been worried sick about you, you know?
-I just... Brett had to give up and take a deep breath.
-Brett, listen.  Every once in a while everyone needs a break. That's normal.
When you feel fed up, tired of me or sick of like everything, just tell me you need a break, yeah? Please! 
Brett nodded.
-Tell me you go to a friend and we can still be friends! That way at least I know you're safe and that you'll be back again when you feel better! Because now I didn't know anything and I ve been so worried!
-I'm sorry.
There was a long, much needed hug.
-You re not a little boy anymore,  you're a grown man, Brett! And you're in an adult-relationship,  which means, we talk about things,  we fix things! We don't run away! 
-I'm scared you'll find me annoying or needy and leave me if I nag about stuff. 
-Those are just feelings! They are normal! I much more prefer you being vulnerable and even annoying and needy and whatever, than running off. 
-You do?
-Mhm. If you vomit, I can bring you something to drink, if you cry, I can comfort you. Hold you like a baby. Eddy pretended like he was rocking a baby in his arms  
Brett scoffed.
-That's much better.
-I'm afraid you'll leave me.
-No. YOU left me. I've been here the whole time. This is my home. This is where I live, with you! 
-I didn't mean to run away, I think. It just happened! 
Brett looked up at him, Eddy still cupping his face with his right hand. 
-I needed a break.
-Why didn't you just say so? 
-I don't know..
-Everyone of us need a break sometimes , but... whenever you feel that way, when you're sick of me or tired of our relationship or whatever, once again, please, tell me! Tell me you're going to a friend or whatever! Use words! I can handle that! 
-Ok. I will.
-I've been so worried about you! Eddy was still looking in to his eyes.  -I didn't know where you were going, I didn't know if you were safe, I didn't even know if you would ever come back to me again! 
-I'll always be back. I'll always come back to you. I don't even know how to leave you! I can't! You make it way too hard!
-Well then I'll make it impossible from now on! 
-When I see your guts... you're so strong Eddy! Your courage is so strong it makes me doubt my own. 
-Love! YOU're the strong one! But you're holding back and it's  driving me crazy! You shut me out!
-I'm only trying to be careful because you're so damn important to me!
-I know. But that is so wrong. On so many levels. 
-I was exhausted! It's limited how much shit I can take before I feel like I'm drowning in it! I needed a break..!
-I NEED YOU! Please don't do that to me again! Don't run away! I can take everything else, I can live with whatever you throw up, as long as you're here with me. Just don't leave me! That's the only thing I can't take! 
You understand? 
Eddy's finger on Brett's chin forced his eyes to meet his. 
-I do, Brett whispered.  -I'll never run away from you again. I don't know how,  because I don't know even why I did it, but I won't.
-You sure? You're staying? 
-I'm staying. This is my place. This is where I belong.
Eddy's face lit up in a big smile.
-Let's order some food, I'm starving! 
Can't function without you, you know! 
Brett laughed away his pain and followed inside their home.