Chapter 3

                                    

                                          
Liam's pov 
                          
I was running, running like someone was chasing behind me.
Everything that was chasing behind me were my thoughts and it was scary that I couldn't run away from them. 
                          
How was it so hard?
See a girl,find her attractive and then fall for her, so damn difficult?!
Why the fuck did I have to be this way.
And why was Zayn, the friend of Harry's friend, constantly on my mind? The way he was looking at me so intrusively, I felt like he knew something. 
                          
Yes, I am gay. 
I knew since I was in kindergarten. All the other boys were looking at the girls and drew them sweet little pictures, just normal kindergarten kid stuff. 
But I never wanted to draw something for a girl, I preferred drawing something for a boy.
                          
Sometimes I didn't know how to cope with this secret. 
I'd been hiding this for 10 years, 10 years! That's a decade!
And everyday it got harder to not scream out to all those people, and especially Niall and Harry, how much I didn't want to be seen as the "womanizer", especially since I didn't even like girls. 
                          
Sometimes I felt like I didn't even have friends. 
But that was definitely not Harry or Niall's fault. I had always been keeping my secrets for my own. 
As soon as more than one person knew a secret, it was not safe anymore, no matter who it was.
                          
Well, so maybe sometimes I drank or took something to numb all of this. 
It's not an addiction, it's just an escape. Right?

                          
All the time thinking, I was running without stopping. 
I realized that my lungs were burning and stopped for a moment. 
I was closing my eyes for some reason even though I had no idea of where I was.
                          
But then I could hear the calming sound of waves breaking against cliffs.
Always when I felt hopeless something lead me here. It sounded stupid but it was true.
                          
I loved this place. It calmed me down, looking at those waves from high above on the rocky cliffs. 
I sometimes sat here for hours and hours, just being with my thoughts.
                          
I was actually the exact opposite of what they saw me as in school. I was not one of those loud, rude and very straight boys who "claimed" every girl to use her for one night.
I always had been a shy person but I could stand up for myself or others pretty good. And I was actually pretty reserved and enjoyed being on my own.

                          
I sighed , it was always the same. Anytime I sat on my cliff, this stuff came up to my mind. 
But this time something else made me feel uneasy.
And it was the raven haired boy with his hazel eyes.
Goddamn, I knew him since yesterday. 
What was wrong with me? 
Why couldn't I just be normal..?
                          
After some time, no idea how long since I accidentally left my bag plus phone at school, I left to walk home.
I knew the way back home by heart even if it was already getting darker. I must've sat there for hours since it was June and the sun was going down at approximately 8pm and I must've arrived at around 2.30pm.
                          
As I finally arrived home, my mom practically waited at the door. 
"Liam, where were you? I was worried and you didn't even pick up your phone!" 
                          
I rolled my eyes at my mom, I was 17 and she was still acting like I was 10. 
"Mom, don't worry about me, I'm 17 and not going to get kidnapped."
                          
After the usual "I'm your mother and I'm worried" speech, my mom told me that we could now finally eat dinner. 
"Sorry, I'm not hungry." I really was not hungry, I just wanted to sleep until Friday was over already.
                          
"Is everything alright, love?" My mom looked at me worryingly and took my hand. Typically my mom.
Or at least typically for when she was home for once in a lifetime which was extremely rare.
                          
"I'm just tired mom. I'll probably head to bed now." 
My mom definitely wasn't satisfied with that answer and continued to dig deeper. 
                          
When she wasn't home as usual she called me every single day to check on me.
She basically was worried about me all the time since I was a very quiet and reserved person and wouldn't tell anyone about my feelings or problems.
And probably because of some events in my past...