The Last Piece

                                    

                                          
The look in his eyes made me anxious. I should have really thought before I said I trusted him that he won't make me uncomfortable. Because, the way he was making the atmosphere around us pointed, his next words surely were something that I would hesitate to answer.
                          
"Why did you leave so abruptly, Jia?" He whispered, "Why didn't you meet me before coming back? Why didn't you even let me know? Why didn't you let me bid you goodbye?"
                          
His face displayed more than his words could ever convey. His disappointment, sadness, mild anger, passive aggression that was more dangerous than open fury. Today, Yoongi sat there with a deal. He wanted answers in exchange for the information he shared.
                          
And I wasn't in a position to deny, neither emotionally nor morally.
                          
"Because you lied again..." I replied.
                          
Since that October day when he told me that he was over her, my days were going pretty sunny. I should not be so delighted, but I couldn't help it. It gave me hope when he told me all of it. It made me feel that he trusted me.
                          
As the end of the year neared, all the students including us, became very busy with studies and preparations for entrance exams. I was aiming for SNU myself. I really hoped to get into it so that I could have a few more years with him. The strain of academics drowned us so much that we spent most of the day at school, in the library, or at study hubs. We did not use to get much time to chit-chat with all the quizzes coming up. We stopped meeting in the community park.
                          
Our school held farewell a week before the final exams. Dressed in the most beautiful piece of clothing I had, I attended the function. My maroon-colored knee-length subtly sparkling dress received a lot of compliments that day. It made me happy. 
                          
I was waiting for him to notice me. I wanted to hear him compliment me.
                          
We stood in our respective friend circles when he first noticed me. We bowed to each other acknowledging the presence. I checked him out head to toe and gave him an appreciative look. He turned red and smiled.
                          
The function began. We sat down. I sat in the row behind him. Ever since we entered the function ground from the school building, he was looking for someone. For a wild moment, I knew who that person was. And I couldn't help observe him.
                          
Not lying, I tried to enjoy myself. I tried to put as much distance between us as possible. I tried not to be around him. I tried to party wild with my friends, hoping I could care less about him for one night. Hoping that one night, my thoughts would only be filled with the admiring eyes of my friends. Hoping that for one night, I could bring the fire out. But that wasn't possible.
                          
For my eyes sought him however hard I tried.
                          
And his eyes sought someone else, and he was trying really hard...
                          
He looked around once. I was right behind him and saw how he was focused somewhere behind me as if I wasn't even there. He had been on his phone for the entire evening. Texting someone. Desperately.
                          
I knew who it was...
                          
He said I was looking beautiful. He said I was stunning. He said I could get anyone to fall for me that night. 
                          
He should not have said that. 
                          
I wasn't stunning enough to make his eyes stay on me.
                          
I cleared up all the misunderstandings with Kang Jina. I apologized as well. She hugged me and said she never felt bad about anything. That made me feel even more guilty. She was as kind as she was pretty. Stunning in herself, she complimented me about how beautiful I looked. We talked for a while. And that was a mistake.
                          
Kang Jina told me, she knew about my crush on Yoongi. She also told me that Min Yoongi had proposed to her again, some 15 minutes ago...
                          
A stray tear found its escape route from my eye as I continued, "You lied again. You said you moved on. Moreover, you said you trusted me. I had told you many times even back then, Yoongi, what I felt was my problem. I would have managed myself just fine. And it hurt me because I trusted you as my best friend and told you everything. But you couldn't tell me this?"
                          
"Jia, I..." Yoongi found it hard to speak.
                          
"Your secretiveness, your behavior was what made me feel unwanted, Yoongi," I said, "I had worked really hard for SNU. But I was an idiot. I was lovesick. I saw only one way out and grabbed it."
                          
Yoongi was looking at me, with what was it, pity? I didn't care.
                          
"I didn't tell you because you were the one, I was running away from. If you knew, you would've wanted to meet me, to reason with me. You would've stopped me. I didn't want that. I wanted an out from all that pain. It wasn't your fault that you liked her. It wasn't as if you owed me anything. I knew all this. But I couldn't think myself to sense. In the end, what remained on my mind was, you never forgot her," I looked at him with a sad smile, "You never let go of her."
                          
"Jia," He said, "I am sorry, I had no idea what I put you through-"
                          
"You don't have to apologize." I interrupted him, "This is what you don't understand Yoongi, none of this was your fault. You tolerated me for two complete years, putting up with my sick and overreactive attitude. If you felt like doing something for yourselves, it was fine. And I being your friend before everything else should have understood this better than anyone else. I failed at that. It pained so much that I couldn't take it anymore."
                          
A tear trickled down Yoongi's face as he cupped the side of my face with his left hand. "I am sorry, I could never give you what you deserved."
                          
"Feelings can't be forced, Yoongi," I whispered, "I am so thankful for those and these two years I got to spend with you. I cleared out everything. I do have some regrets, but I don't have any grudges, neither against you nor against Kang Jina. You are an awesome friend, Yoongi. Whoever you choose to be with, would be very lucky. I would be happier than you yourselves if she were Kang Jina." I smiled at him. "Moving on is difficult but it will happen someday."
                          
Yoongi closed his eyes, more tears trickling down, our foreheads rested against each other, his hand still cupped my face. It looked so peaceful. I could stay here, like this, forever. 
                          
"I think, I'll be ready when we part this time," I whispered, "I'll be able to let go of you."
                          
He opened his eyes and stared straight into mine, "Since you are alive Jia, you need to learn to not be so sure about everything. Remember what you once told me? That little organ in your chest beats to keep you alive and as long as it does so, it brings hope with it. A hope that everything will be fine. A hope that it's not over yet. A hope that keeps us going." He smiled a little.
                          
And then closed the gap between us, slotting his pink lips with mine.
                          
***