29

                                    

                                          
Sofia
                          
It was like everything over the past two months has meant nothing to him. The fact that the used my vulnerable state to get close to me. It makes me sick to think that I really did believe him all those times he said he cared about me. All the times he said we were best friends again. It baffles me that he has no humane feelings. 
                          
Did Noah, Will, and Marco know?
                          
Were they part of it this whole time?
                          
I thought we were over that. I thought things were starting to feel okay again. 
                          
Then right as I get a whiff of happiness, it's crushed in seconds. 
                          
______________
                          
1 week later.
                          
Going to school is starting to feel more like a chore than an opportunity. 
                          
I feel like my walls are caving in again. Something about what Coal said got under my fucking skin. Nothing get's under my skin. 
                          
At least I thought so. 
                          
I feel like everyone around me is lying. I feel like I'm being manipulated by them. I'm paranoid. 
                          
Coal is probably enjoying seeing me tear myself up. 
                          
It's so stupid for me to be this fucked up over Coal Demartino. 
                          
I can't deny what I feel for him. Of course I love him, he's my best friend. 
                          
Shit. No he's not. He was my best friend, 2 times actually. 
                          
But I don't know if I love him as just my 'friend'. 
                          
Nope. Not going to happen. I'm not going to chase after a boy who manipulated me into thinking he was for real. 
                          
This world is so fake. I can't tell when someone is telling the truth or lying. 
                          
It makes me dread getting up ion the morning, just to get slap, or kicked by my father, The worst part is, I can't tell if my mother cares anymore, or if she's just saying things like, "We'll get out soon" so that I don't leave her alone with him. 
                          
It's tiring. Mentally and physically. I feel like my friends are just keeping me around out of pity for what I've been through. My brain is so fucked up after what happened with Coal. The feeling a betrayal, the trust I had with him, I was too overwhelming too loose it all, after one sentence. 
                          
My second alarm that I set in case I fall back asleep, wakes me form my thoughts. Thank god. 
                          
I put on a big, baggy t shirt that says New York on it. I grab some leggings and through them one. I leave me hair natural, and I don't feel like putting on any makeup today, so I don't. 
                          
I walk downstairs and don't even bother getting anything but some watermelon I cut the night before. 
                          
Watermelon in my favorite. 
                          
Alyssa is in her car, waiting for me when I open the front door. I hop in and she starts the gas. 
                          
"So... you never told us what happened with you and Coal." Alyssa breaks the silence. 
                          
I shrug, "There's not much to say, and honestly, I don't want to talk about him, or think about him ever again."
                          
Alyssa sighs, "Soph, I'm worried about you. You've been... distant." 
                          
I tense up, "Your always worried about me, I'm fine!" 
                          
She drops the conversation as we pull up to the school, and see him.