28 - backstory

                                    

                                          
Dream and George had practically speed ran the stages of dating, a combination of requited love and impatient feelings making it easy for them to canonball into the deep end without hesitation.
                          
For Sapnap and Karl, it was much more of a 'dip your toe in before you dive' situation.
                          
Every time Sapnap travelled to meet Karl, every time they met up, it was easy. There was no effort involved to keep conversation or have a good time, it was simple.
                          
Until, it got difficult. 
                          
Until Sapnap realised it was a bit too easy, a bit too simple, a bit more than a platonic relationship perhaps.
                          
Karl felt like this already, and hadn't particularly made an effort to hide it, but also didn't explicitly say it. He didn't really need to. 
                          
It came to a point where both knew exactly what the other was thinking, Karl finding it a bit harder to understand Sapnap, as Sapnap didn't even understand himself. 
                          
It was a combination of things, liking a guy, not only that but liking his best friend, liking Karl, and the viewers, not that there was anything wrong with any of those things, it was all just super new.
                          
And new can sometimes equate to scary.
                          
And this went on for months, a constant battle between two sides of his brain, a repetitive motion of pushing his feelings aside for reasons he couldn't explain, and the desire for Karl pulling them back once more.
                          
Whenever he convinced them to fall to the back of his brain and heart, all it took was a call from Karl to drag them back up to the forefront.
                          
Sapnap needed time. And Karl knew that. 
                          
Countless conversations occurred, a thread of messages and calls that consisted of Karl convincing Sapnap it was okay, and that whenever he was ready, Karl would always be here waiting.
                          
It wasn't meant to stay a secret, but considering they were both level headed, both content with the situation they were dealing with right now, the need for any of their friends to be involved simply wasn't there.
                          
More months went by, and many all nighters occurred. Many late night thought processes, working through it all, talking to himself as though he was his own therapist. And over time, through a very slow and gradual process, Sapnap began to accept his feelings, but open himself up to them, become vulnerable to them. 
                          
And one random night, his head so clouded, Sapnap texted Karl, a fairly substantial text, an explanation for his feelings and actions that he knew wasn't needed, but wanted to do.

                          
Message to: Karl <3 
I've never really been sure on how to start a serious paragraph so- um, hi? here's a few things i wanna say?
                          
All this time, for almost a year, there has never been a doubt in my mind that you are the person i like. But there HAS been a doubt in my mind on wether i'm allowed to feel that.
                          
For no other reason than my own stupid brain, i've always been scared? of my feelings.
                          
But recently, i think i've been become less overwhelmed with the idea of us, less intimidated by any emotion i have towards you.
                          
Mainly though, I want to say sorry.
                          
I've made you wait so long, i've certainly been selfish, and definitely should have checked in on YOU more - but i didn't.