Chapter 10

                                    

                                          
*2 weeks later*
                          
I have so many questions but so little answers.. I'm searching for so many answers but I can't find any. When someone asks me how my day have been, I'm saying that my day have been fine, but that is a completely lie because my days is a nightmare.
                          
I don't know what to do anymore. I want to tell the world how I feel. I want to scream.. I want to die.
                          
I want to tell my mom about this but I'm afraid. I don't want to see her reaction if I tell her.
                          
I'm so empty, inside and out. I don't know what to feel anymore.
                          
I don't know why Jasmine is doing this. How can she even feel good about this? Doesn't she understand that she hurting people? I'm searching for many answers.
                          
I'm looking at my scars on my arm. My arm looks like hell, but I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore because everything I say or do is wrong. 
                          
Sometimes I'm even afraid to go out because I don't know what can happen.
                          
I put my stuff in my school bag and walked to school. I don't want to look at anyone in the school hall except Louise because she is the only one who wouldn't hurt me.
                          
I was hoping that Jasmine wasn't in school today... but then I saw her in a corner. She was probably waiting for me, I could see that in her eyes. She walked toward to me and blocked my way.
                          
- Where do you think you're going? Jasmine said.
                          
- To my locker! Please let me go! I said.
                          
- Nah, I don't think so, Jasmine said.
                          
- What do you want me? I said.
                          
- I just wanted to tell you that you're a gross little pig and nobody wants you here.
                          
- Please let me go to my locker...
                          
- Once again: nobody wants you here! Jasmine said in my face.
                          
I didn't know what to say. So I ran intro her, I ran away from them.
                          
- GET HER! Screamed Jasmine
                          
Her gang ran after me. I ran the fastest I could to my locker. I was so close when they grabbed me. Jasmine looked at me with anger.
                          
- Who do you think you're? You have no right to push me like that! Jasmine said.
                          
- I...I didn't mean to hurt you, I cried.
                          
- What? I can't hear you, Jasmine said with sarcasm.
                          
- I didn't mean to hurt you, I said.
                          
- But why did you do that then? Jasmine said with anger in her voice.
                          
I didn't answer, I was crying. I couldn't speak. She kicked me in my stomach.
                          
- ANSWER ME! Jasmine said.
                          
I cried even more. I think I'm losing my breath. My stomach hurted so bad.
                          
She grabbed my hair and dragged it a little bit and said:
                          
- ANSWER ME!
                          
- Because I wanted to go! I said.
                          
- Is that your only reason?! Jasmine said.
                          
She kicked me one more time in my stomach. Where is Louise when I need her?
                          
- YES! I swear! I said.
                          
She looked at me with anger again, but she didn't say anything. She walked away from me.
                          
I crawl away. I felt that I couldn't walk at the moment. Then Louise ran towards to me.
                          
- ELLA!! Louise said.
                          
- L....Louise! I said.
                          
- Let me help you up, Louise said.
                          
My legs were shaking when I stood up. I could barely walk. It felt like I was about to fall to the floor again. It was so hard for me stand up right now.
                          
- You doesn't seem to feel good right now... Louise said with sad voice.
                          
- I don't... I said
                          
- Where did she hurt you this time? Louise asked.
                          
- My stomach.. I said.
                          
- Does it hurt now? Louise asked
                          
- Yeah it does... I want to go home.. I said.
                          
Louise said bye to me and I left school. It was so hard to walk home. When I came home I ran up to my room and fell down in my bed.
                          
I looked up on my roof. My tears streamed down my face. I couldn't stop..
                          
After 10 minutes I walked in to the bathroom and took a razor and looked at my arm.
                          
I placed the razor at my arm and I started to cut. I can't take this anymore. When I was done I wiped away the blood from my arm and washed the razor.
                          
I laid me down on my bed again and started to cry again.
                          
I hate this so much. I hate everything.. Why does I even exist? I'm in pain. Please help me.. someone please! I don't know what to do anymore...