92. 𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑𝑏𝑦𝑒

                                    

                                          
Cain
                          
Out of all the years, we'd known each other, I never liked seeing Mia cry. I hated it with a passion and I would deal with anyone who brought tears to her beautiful eyes. 
                          
But now I was the one doing the damage. 
                          
It broke my heart to see her this way but I've been putting her first after all of these years. Anytime she needed or wanted anything, I put everyone including myself aside for her. It took me getting severely injured for me to realize that she'd never done anything like that for me. 
                          
I'd be a fucking liar to say that realizing she chose Abel over me didn't make me turn her away. It did. The realization that it was him and she along with everyone I'd ever met chose him over me was daunting. I lost the spirit to fight after that. 
                          
I didn't even realize the words coming out of my mouth a few minutes ago when I rejected her. But sitting here now, it seemed like the best option. 
                          
If she had told me she didn't love Jackson, this would've been a different conversation...but she didn't. There was no change and she was once again confused. 
                          
In the past, I would've taken advantage of her uncertainty but I'm a coward now. I couldn't continue investing my heart and energy into her when I knew she'd choose someone more "stable" in a heartbeat. 
                          
I needed to protect myself. 
                          
For once, I wanted more than to chase an unrequited love. I wanted someone that looked at me and decided then and there that they wanted me. No games, no manipulation, just love. 
                          
The bitter truth that Abel made me realize was that Mia would never be that person who did that for me. She'd already done that...with him. 
                          
In him, she saw all the answers to her problems. Her dependency as much as she hated to admit, had been tethered to his "stable" job..."stable" emotions...and "stable" life. 
                          
No matter how much she claimed she wanted me, a part of her life that she had built for herself in all her years of therapy...would be yearning for a man that I'd never be. 
                          
"I can't do that," she whispered and snapped me out of my daze. I cleared my mind of my rampant thoughts and focused my gaze on her. 
                          
"Do what?"
                          
"Chase you," she answered. "I don't think it'd be good for me mentally. Especially if you like someone else."
                          
I'd heard enough about her past situation with Syn to understand her hesitation when it came to things like this. It wasn't as if it truly mattered to me whether she hunted me down to the ends of the earth...I just wanted her to feel something. 
                          
To feel it enough that she'd show me any bit of effort. That's what you do when you love someone, right? I suppose I wouldn't know well enough considering my view of love came from romantic comedies. My parents were forced to be together and the only models to show me what it looked like were Syn and Queen. 
                          
Even when they got separated by death, they managed to find their way back to one another. That dedication— that was what I wanted.
                          
"I understand, Mia," I said. I stood up from my chair to end this draining conversation and I looked down at her. "I'll drive you home."
                          
"What about the interview? I thought if I passed I could stay," she said. 
                          
"You didn't pass."
                          
"How not?"
                          
"The contract has a rule about emotional attachments. It'd be inappropriate to continue this with you," I said as I looked towards the window. 
                          
"Since when do you care about rules?!" She snapped.