Nine

                                    

                                          

Her name is Lila. Of all the names in the world, Jennie had to pick this one. It makes Lisa feel things she shouldn't - but she's been doing that a lot these days. 

She weighs seven pounds, four ounces and measures twenty inches from head to toe. Thick, dark wavy hair coats her head and she has her mama's mouth, her cute little nose and her teenie tiny ears.

She's the second most beautiful thing that Lisa's ever seen and it kills her.

She's also the snuggliest thing that Lisa's ever seen. Her entire body curls into the arms of the person that holds her and she stops fussing the minute she's wrapped up in someone's arms.

It makes Lisa a little breathless that that person is her.

"You okay?" Jennie asks and Lisa looks up with a smile, glad to see her awake. She nods because she can't speak and stands to hand Jennie back her daughter, stopping when Jennie makes a sound of protest. "You're okay with her," she smiles. "She looks comfy."

Lisa settles back, just for another minute, and resumes stroking over the features of Lila's face. She looks just like Jennie and it scares her a little.

She didn't know a person could fall in love this quickly.

"I think she's hungry," Lisa chuckles as quietly as she can when Lila tries to suck on her finger. She looks up and smiles. "You wanna try nursing her again?"

Jennie nods softly and struggles to sit up. Lisa stands and passes Lila to her before helping her to get comfortable. Lila fusses, making the softest noises Lisa's ever heard before sinking into her mama's arms.

"Do you think I should get the nurse?" Lisa asks as Jennie struggles with her hospital gown. Lisa helps her wordlessly, keeping Lila steady as she shifts it off her shoulder. Jennie shakes her head and Lisa leans over and watches as Lila instantly latches on and begins nursing.

"Woaaaahhh," Jennie breathes out the minute she does. Lisa laughs a little, settling on the edge of the bed.

"Weird?"

"The weirdest," Jennie says quickly, laughing a little. She shifts, trying to get used to the sensation. "Shit, she's going to town."

Lisa giggles and reaches to stroke Lila's head with the back of a finger. "She obviously wasn't hungry before." Lisa taps Jennie gently on the thigh. "What about you? Do you need anything now that you've had your nap?"

Jennie looks up at her and smiles. She shakes her head and reaches for Lisa's hand. Lisa gulps at the feel of fingers locking though hers. She suddenly feels weird, close and disconnected at the same time. It draws a nervous laugh from her and she can't handle it. She pulls her hand back.

"I should go call people," she says and Jennie's face flickers with disappointment before she plasters on a smile and nods.

//

She calls everyone Jennie needs her to before she calls their friends and then, finally, Minnie.

"Are you doing okay?" she asks once Lisa's just held her on the line in silence for a couple of minutes. "Do you need me to come get you or something?"

She shakes her head. "I'm fine," she whispers, hidden in the stairwell a la all the medical dramas she's ever seen. "It's just... it's really overwhelming."

"Because you wish she was yours too?"

Lisa scoffs at her sudden breathlessness and Minnie's bluntness. "Jeez, beat around the bush, why don't ya?"

"Talk to her," Minnie says around a humorless laugh.

Lisa scoffs. "And say what?"

"How do you feel? What do you want?" Minnie chuckles. "Tell her you freaking love her for a start."

"I've told her I love her," Lisa laughs. "I've been telling her I love her for years and, guess what, she loves me too! But that isn't what everything's about. Everything's still so fucking messed up, Minnie, and she loves me but I still don't even know if I'm going to wake up one day and she's not going to be there, if she's going to run away scared. I am so fucking sick of looking like a fool and she makes me feel like the biggest idiot because I just..."

"I know," Minnie whispers. "But it's been, what? Nearly a year since that stupid dispatch article was released? It's been almost a year since people found out that something was going on between you guys and you've just got closer. She hasn't gone anywhere, Lisa. And now look where you are: you're in a freaking hospital alone with her and she just had a damn baby. She had a baby and you're the person she wants there and she loves you, Lisa."

Lisa sighs. "I know."

"So what are you doing talking to me?" Minnie asks around a laugh.

Lisa doesn't have an answer.

//

"You okay?" she asks softly when she slips into Jennie's room and finds her sitting there looking down at the baby girl in her lap, eyes wide and bright.

Brown eyes look up at her, Lila's head cradled in her hand as she smiles. "Yeah," Jennie nods. "She fell asleep." She laughs softly. "Right there against my boob. I don't know whether to be offended or honored."

Lisa smiles and goes about unloading the snacks she got from the vending machine in the lobby onto the table in front of Jennie.

"They are pretty comfy," Lisa comments and Jennie shoots her a shy smile before looking back at Lila. "I called everybody. Yeri, Irene, Chaeyoung, Chahee, Jisoo... I tried your mom but she wasn't answering so I left her a voicemail. I hope that's okay." Jennie nods. "Chaeng was really excited. She wanted to know if she could post about the First Blackpink Baby but I said that she'd have to ask you."

Jennie laughs softly. "I think I want some peace for a couple of days before the crazies come," she whispers, stroking Lila's dark hair. She laughs a little and shakes her head. "This is insane."

Lisa falls into the seat beside the bed and watches her, stabbing the straw into her chocolate milk box. "It is?"

Jennie nods in a daze. "She's just..." she whispers. "She was inside of me for nine months and I never really thought about what she'd look like other than the fact that she'd look like a baby. I never thought she'd be this beautiful."

"She came from you," Lisa says without thinking. She avoids looking up until she has to and when she does it's with ears pink from embarrassment. "I just mean that... she looks like you."

She gulps and tries to smile, cheeks burning under the softness of Jennie's gaze. Lisa's never been gladder to see a nurse when she chooses that moment to walk in and check on them.

Jennie's eyes don't leave her until the nurse's questions pull her attention away.

//

They send Lisa home and tell her to get some rest. Lisa is reluctant even though she knows she needs it.

She heads back to the house and she doesn't realize how big it is without Jennie there. She lies in her bed and can't sleep because of how quiet it is. She didn't realize how soothing the sound of Jennie asleep beside her is. She gives up around three and wanders over to Jennie's bedroom instead but still can't fall asleep and narrows her eyes when she hears her phone go off.

It's a picture message from Jennie and she opens it with a curious smile that drops into awe when she sees it. Jennie's sleepy face stares back at her, lit by the hospital lamp beside her bed. She's laid on her side, surrounded by pillows and Lila lies against her, visibly nursing. Lisa's not sure how she feels about the fact that Jennie's sending her topless pictures, even if she is nursing. Still, she smiles when she reads the caption.

I'm pretty sure she's asleep again. Still not sure if I'm offended or honored. 

She doesn't think before she's texting her back.

Are you awake?

It's less than a minute before her phone rings.

"Did I wake you?" she asks.

Lisa soaks in the sleepiness of her voice before shaking her head. "No," she says softly. "I haven't been able to get to sleep yet."

"You must be exhausted, though," Jennie says softly. Lisa hears the sound of Lila fussing before Jennie hushes her back to sleep and when she speaks again her voice is quieter. "You had less sleep than me."

Lisa shrugs even though Jennie can't see it and reaches to bring Jennie's pillow until it's clutched against her. She buries her nose into the smell of it before sighing.

"If feels weird without you here," she admits and blames her honesty on her exhaustion.

Jennie swallows audibly and Lisa presses her cheek to the pillow, wishing it was Jennie instead.

"I'll be home soon," she promises and Lisa takes a deep breath in to steady the sudden dizziness she feels at the words. "We both will."

Home. She doesn't think she's ever heard anything better.