Chapter Twenty Nine

                                    

                                          



A/N: **TRIGGER WARNING** Content Surround Suicide. There will be a short summary at the end for those who wish to skip the chapter. 
Also, I was going to use the ABBA version, but come on, you know you love this song because it's from Mamma Mia. 


☼☼☼
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
☼☼☼
Jaime's P.O.V.
July 8th 1997
"What is this?"
"I believe most people call it a dress."
I run the soft blue fabric through my hands. It had been buried in my closet since I moved in. I never thought I would have a reason to wear it. I never thought I would ever want to wear it.
"Monica, when have I ever worn a dress?"
"Every young woman should have a dress in their wardrobe. For...emergency purposes."
"Emergency purposes?"
"Emergency purposes."
On top of helping me find a place to live on my 18th birthday, Monica bought me the dress I was currently staring at. The soft pastel purple roses looked so delicate. Something I'm not. Something I can never imagine being. I never wear dresses, never have. Is this too much? This is too much. I don't even know where Harry is taking me. He said he wanted to take me out to a fancy exclusive dinner, but I don't even know what those words mean. I've run through all the possibilities in my head. Nothing in this town is that fancy, nothing dress worthy.
But I can't think of any other time more perfect than this to wear it. Plus, I want to see Harry's reaction. The man had a heart attack when I wore shorts. This might send him over the edge.
It makes me laugh at how friendly and personable he is with everyone else but he's a ball of goo around me, like a cartoon with his jaw hitting the floor and eyes bugging out of his head. Definitely good for the ego. 
I have the day off so I can spend the majority of it freaking out for absolutely no reason. Harry and I have been hanging out all summer, so why is my stupid brain deciding to have a meltdown today?
I took my time showering, spending more time shaving than I probably have my entire life. I even blew out my hair. I had to borrow Jess's hair dryer because I don't own one, but still. I even used one of those fancy round brushes that they use at the hair salons. It still had a tag on the end. (It was also Jess's)
I felt like I was going to collapse at any moment. I could go see Mel, but that will only cause more problems. Mel is for fixing problems after they happen, not prevention. How much prevention can the imaginary spirit of a dead six year old really do? 
There was only one person who could help me in this specific situation.
I ran into Lon's with my hair down. It feels oddly light because I actually spent time drying it. It's almost bouncy? Am I bubbly? I feel like one of those girls in a shampoo commercial. I don't know how to feel without my hair being crunchy from salt air.