Chapter 1

                                    

                                          
(15 YEARS LATER)
                          
Mrs. Hogenson: Denied? You’re denying my claim? I don’t understand....I have full coverage!
                          
Bob: I’m sorry, Mrs. Hogenson, but our liability is spelled out in paragraph 17. It states clearly-
                          
Mrs. Hogenson [stammering] I can’t pay for this!
                          
[phone rings]
                          
Bob: Excuse me. [answers phone] Claims, Bob Parr.
                          
Helen: I’m calling to celebrate a momentous occasion. We’re now officially moved in.
                          
Bob: Yeah, well, that’s great, honey. And the last three years don’t count because...
                          
Helen: Because I finally unpacked the last box. Now, it’s official. Ha, ha, ha. Why do we have so much junk?
                          
Bob: Listen, honey, I’ve got a client.
                          
Helen: Say no more. Go save the world one policy at a time, honey. Oh! I gotta go pick up the kids from school. See you tonight.
                          
Bob: Bye, honey. (To Mrs. Hogenson) Excuse me. Where were we?
                          
Mrs. Hogenson: [sobbing] I’m on a fixed income, and if you can’t help me, I don’t know what I’ll do. [blows nose loudly] [sobbing]
                          
Bob: All right, listen closely. I’d like to help you, but I can’t. I’d like to tell you to take a copy of your policy to Norma Wilcox on...[whispering] Norma Wilcox. W-l-L-C-O-X. On the third floor. But I can’t. I also do not advise you to fill out and file a WS2475 form with our legal department on the second floor. I wouldn’t expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter. I’d like to help, but there’s nothing I can do.
                          
Mrs. Hogenson: Oh, thank you, young man.
                          
Bob: Shhh! [shouting] I’m sorry, ma’am! I know you’re upset! [whispering] Pretend to be upset.
                          
(Mrs. Hogenson sobs away. Mr. Huph was coming)
                          
Mr. Huph: Parr...!!!
                          
(he throws some papers at Bob's desk, as he gets startled)
                          
Mr. Huph: You authorized payment on the walker policy?!
                          
Bob: Someone broke into their house, Mr. Huph. Their policy clearly covers....
                          
Mr. Huph: I..I-I-I don’t wanna know about their coverage, Bob! Don’t tell me about their coverage! Tell me how you’re keeping Insuricare in the black! Tell me how that’s possible, with you writing checks to every "Harry Hard Luck" and "Sally Sob Story" that gives you a phone call!
                          
(Mr. Huph walks away)
                          
PA Announcement: Morning break is over. Morning break is over.
                          
Scene 7: Principal's Office
                          
Principal: I appreciate you coming down here, Mrs. Parr.
                          
Helen: What’s this about? Has Dash done something wrong?
                          
Bernie: He’s a disruptive influence and he openly mocks me in front of the class.
                          
Dash: He says.
                          
Bernie: Look, I know it’s you! He puts thumb tacks on my stool.
                          
Helen: You saw him do this?