Chapter 26- The Gun and The Punching bag

                                    

                                          


                          
Mycroft walked into his gym and was surprised to see a punching bag standing in the corner, next to the suit of armour. A red bow tied on it, and a note stuck to it.

                          
'Figured you could use a real one. Don't worry, this one doesn't have feelings you can hurt-TM'
                          
He sighed as he read the note. What was he thinking? One, he stood up Tara on a date. Two, he ghosted her. Three, instead of apologizing for previous grievances he yelled at her. And even when, he realised he was wrong instead of going after her and apologizing, he had let his ego get the better of him. He wanted to blame his mother for giving him her engagement ring and spooking him. Maybe partially she was responsible but this was on him. He had let his insecurities and commitment issues ruin his relationship with Tara. He rubbed his temples as he thought about his next course of action. There was only one thing he could do, that much was clear to him.
                          
.........
                          
Mycroft walked in 221c Baker Street. Tara sitting sideways on the couch with her feet up, reading a book. 
                          
'Thank you, for that very thoughtful gift.' He said, not bothering to announce his entrance.
                          
She didn't look up at him and continued to read. 'Did you try it out?'
                          
'I did' he nodded and hung his umbrella on the coat stand by the door. He walked to the couch, picked up her feet off the couch, and placed them on his lap as he sat down. 'I'm sorry, I lashed out at you, Tara... That was uncalled for... My temper's gotten away from me these days' he explained.
                          
'You need to be jolted back into reality sometimes, I get that' Tara still didn't look up from her book.
                          
'I guess, I do' Mycroft sighed and started rubbing her feet.
                          
Tara glanced at him and sighed. She closed her book, placing it on the coffee table. 'You said a lot of things... I know you were sleep-deprived, stressed, and angry, but... I can't help but wonder if you actually meant everything you said. I...' 
                          
Mycroft cut her off before she could say anything more. 'As shameful as it is to admit, I did. I meant it... it just didn't come out the right way. It is impossible for me to understand how you could give it all up and still be sane'
                          
Tara scoffed 'Who says, I am?'. Mycroft rolled his eyes at how casually she was joking about such a serious matter. She saw his reaction. She took a deep breath and spoke. 'If you're holding on to the hope that I am the same woman I was 5 years ago, you should let it go... I couldn't be that person anymore....... She was suffocating me, Mycroft... So, I strangled her... I cannot be that woman again. If you don't mind, I prefer not to talk about that part of my life.' She didn't meet his eyes when she spoke, looking down, kneading her hands.
                          
'I understand. I am sorry' Mycroft nodded.
                          
Tara withdrew her feet from his lap. She looked straight at him this time. 'You can't lash out at me like that again. Because if you do, I will swing back... I know I can be a bit too much sometimes. I know I keep looking for reasons to push you away. But, please, ... I need you to stay... These past few years have been a nightmare, Mycroft. Everything is a lie. I don't even know who I am anymore... This... Us. This is the only place I feel like myself. Like I'm not constantly living a lie... I am terrified, AND I NEED YOU TO NOT PUSH ME AWAY; I NEED YOU TO NOT GIVE ME A REASON TO PUSH YOU AWAY' her voice shook with pain when she spoke. 
                          
'I am terrified too'... he turned to face her. 'You just have to understand... You are a lot, Tara. I never expected this to happen... I never allowed myself the luxury of feeling. And you... You meet a woman maybe she's smart, maybe she is beautiful; maybe she's pleasant; maybe you like her and maybe she likes you back; maybe your family approves of her. And if one's lucky their partner checks off one or two of those criteria. But you... You are everything I could ask for in a woman... It's a little overwhelming. It's hard to believe when it feels like it's too good to be true.'
                          
'See, this is part of what scares me. I didn't know the old Mycroft Holmes but from what I have heard, he would have never admitted he was scared. How are you so different with me?' Tara asked
                          
Mycroft sighed and looked away from her. 'A few years ago, Sherlock and I were upstairs, playing deductions. He said something... He implied I was lonely. Didn't give it a second thought until the thing with Eurus happened.' He took a breath before he spoke again. He wouldn't dare to look at her. 'That day I didn't tell you the whole truth.... There was one gun... In Sherlock's hand. She tried to force Sherlock to either kill me or Dr. Watson... I tried to manipulate him into shooting me' Tara noticed the hint of shame in his voice. 'I wasn't scared. I told my brother to kill me... Can you guess what the last thing was that flash through my mind?... It was absolutely nothing. Nothing. I had no connections except the ones I was born with. Never felt love. Never experienced companionship. No one to grieve me... That day it all came back to me. What Sherlock said, came back to me. At that moment, I saw a whole life... wasted. A life unlived. Loneliness was all I felt at that moment.' The memories of Sherlock pointing a gun to his heart flashed through his mind as he stared into space.
                          
Tara shifted closer to him and gathered his hands in hers, making him face her. 'If you ever feel... that your life isn't worth living again, ask me, and I'll tell you how much you mean to me, Mycroft Holmes.' She held his face, pulling it down, she pressed a kiss on his forehead.
                          
Mycroft leaned back on the couch, letting Tara embrace him. She pulled her feet up on the couch and wrapped her arms around him. Mycroft wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer. They sat like that for a few minutes. The room was silent the only thing audible was their breathing but, their thoughts were loud, speaking volumes.
                          
'I would like to make it up to you' Mycroft finally spoke.
                          
She chuckled 'Oh, don't worry. You will. I'm not very forgiving'
                          
Mycroft smiled and leaned down, leaving a soft kiss on her lips.
                          


                          
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