twenty five

                                    

                                          
The moment they're going to bid goodbye, the moment they're going to come down from the stage and go out, the moment people around me will go on, on each of their paths, I know by then, it's all going to end. 
                          
That, that's really it, that there's no way I could talk to him without going through all this, with just the two of us and all I could do is look and support him from afar, far enough that I'm nowhere from his sight.
                          
People around me started to go out, the person's who were beside me, they all are gone, and after minutes of mindless sitting there, I realized that I was the only one left aside from the staffs that were busy cleaning the place up.
                          
I was just sitting there but they were all too busy to notice that there was still one person left. 
                          
I don't know why, but I just can't seem to leave, all my feelings were telling me to stay and the moment I rose up from this seat, it's really the end.
                          
But I think... it really is, it really is the end and I won't ever find my way back to him again.
                          
My story might not be still ending, but his part of my story has already ended. 
                          
As I took a deep breath, I collected all my courage just to stand up. It feels really heavy every second, every freaking second I find myself phasing away, I feel like I'm already creating the distance that will forever be in between us.
                          
'... you're courageous, you should know that...'
                          
I suddenly remembered what that lady who granted my wish said. She said I'm courageous... but now, I'm still doubting myself. 
                          
Yes, it took me courage to tell her that I'll go back to the life I have here in this real world, for him to go back as well, but now, I wanted to take it back, that if being a coward would give me a chance to be in that parallel world, I would be a coward.
                          
A coward who only thinks of herself... wouldn't that sound a bit mean? 
                          
I shook my head. I should now shift my mentality to reality if I still want to be sane and live.
                          
Going through the door, it felt like I was being shot with bullets, it was painful, but like how courageous people would do, as if I made myself believe that I'm not a coward, I eventually went out. 
                          
It really is the end now. A new chapter of my life will begin any moment now, and I admit that I'm really anxious, but who knows, maybe it's not that bad.
                          
I decided to go to the comfort room first before going out of the building. It's been hours now since I've been here inside and I was guessing that I don't look as pleasant as I did when I got here 
                          
It didn't took me that much trouble to retouch myself that I was somehow enlightened that this day wouldn't be that bad now that I'm not having that much misfortune.
                          
Along with me fixing myself at the bathroom, I tried to set my mind straight too and somehow it did work.
                          
I walked out of the comfort not having that much thoughts in my mind at last, but just barely having an unclouded mind for less than minutes, my brain went wild with doubtful and hesitant thoughts again.
                          
Am I seeing this right? 
                          
Are my eyes broken from too much crying earlier? Or this is really real?
                          
Is Jeon Wonwoo really right infront of me? 
                          
Am I going crazy? Am I too paranoid now that I'm seeing him everywhere? 
                          
Even though I was still hesitant to believe that he's really here, I greeted him as if he doesn't know me, like I'm his fan and I'm just the one who knows him.