Fifteen

                                    

                                          
As I sit across from Micah and my father in the carriage, I reflect on the compromise Lucent has come to with Stigian. We will split our forces—half of them training in Stigian with Esmeray's commanding warrior and my father, and the other half will train at Basecamp with Kyron and my father's second in command, Greer. I can't help but wonder how she, Ulric, and Terro will react to discovering their ex-general back at the helm and units of their enemy's army invading their space.
But stronger than my worry for what will transpire at Basecamp is my desire to fight alongside those I admire. I don't want to spend my days holed up in the palace, receiving reports and reaping the benefits from the sacrifice of others. 
"I want to return to Basecamp," I blurt out.
My father and godfather fall silent and turn their gazes to me. Zek, who hasn't spoken to me since my outburst last night, shoots me a side glance.
"We've been over this before, Raelle," Micah says.
"We have, but it was before I knew you gave me the Eporri...before I knew how to fight alongside others. I want to lead and fight with our people. They deserve to see they have a future ruler who will never ask them to do something she would not do herself."
Every sovereign before me has stepped foot on the battlefield and no doubt Micah and Esmeray will lead our kingdoms to war again. If all Micah wants is a figurehead with a crown, then keeping me away from the upcoming conflict makes sense. But if he is looking for me to lead Lucent into a new dawn, then I must fight with them.
The king shakes his head and sighs my name.
"You know I'm right, Micah." 
"You are right, but I do not know if Basecamp is the best place for you right now."
"Because of Kyron?"
Zek goes rigid at my side and mumbles his disapproval. He has never been one to hold back his opinions, and he won't start now. It's clear his time in Stigian has only solidified his hate for our enemy, especially Kyron.
Micah runs his palm down his face and releases a lengthy exhale. But it is my father who speaks, saying, "There are things you and Kyron must work through. As long as those issues fester, your attention is divided, and you both are a liability." 
I can't deny his reasoning. I'm at a bizarre impasse with my parah. One minute I'm ready to stand firm and treat him as a threat to my kingdom, and the next, I'm pressed to a wall, begging him to touch me. And then I'm back to confessing my distrust. We are in a vicious, never-ending cycle of fucked up. 
"Then I'll go with you to Stigian," I say. "It doesn't matter where I am, as long as I can be an example to our people." I mean it. This isn't about going where Kyron is; this is my chance to prove I can lead.
My father and Micah look at each other. 
"She would be safer at Basecamp," Zek says, staring out the window. "Although Stigians will be there, she will face less of a threat. She will have people you trust to protect her, and as much as it pains me to say, the Stigian prince will do anything to keep her safe."
"Again, she will be a distraction and a liability to Kyron. He needs to remain focused on training," my father says.
"With all due respect, General, will your daughter's safety in an opposing kingdom not be a distraction to you? At least she will have others to look after her at home."
I smile at Zek and lower my lashes to show him my appreciation. I will go wherever I need to, but I do have a preference. I'd like to return to those who I've fought with before and a place that became a second home to me.