Chapter XX

                                    

                                          
THE TALK
                          
What I wouldn't give just to see your light.
Just to hold you, my friend.
I don't feel alright.
If you were with me I could say amen.
                          
***
                          
CHAPTER XX
                          
*****
                          
OVERTHINKING WOULD BE the death of me.
                          
I was sure of it. Ever since Daniel had dropped us back at our house two days ago, I couldn't stop the thoughts from racing through my head. About how my meeting was going to go, about whether my business would grow in the next few years, about the person who was trying to kill me, about my mother, about my father, about him.
                          
Daniel.
                          
I was on my second glass of wine, whether trying to blur out the voices in my head or trying to pass out so I didn't have to listen to them, I wasn't sure. As I sipped the red liquid, I was willing to accept whichever would come first.
                          
Of course, I could only really do this now because Daniel was here. He had spent the last two days with us; or with his son more rather. He'd show up early in the morning and leave late at night and I could tell Teo loved it, but it only irritated me more and I didn't understand why.
                          
Maybe it was the fact that he got to come and go as he pleased while I was trapped in the same place. Trapped in this God forsaken house or trapped in my mind? I hated both equally.
                          
I wanted him to go and never come back again because he messed with my heart and my sense of reason. But I also wanted him to stay and hold me in his arms. I wanted him to touch me like he did two nights ago.
                          
I wanted what we had two years ago.
                          
I gulped the remaints of my wine down and lay back in my bed. My head was pounding and the pain killers I had taken a couple hours ago seemed to have done nothing. Granted, I wasn't supposed to be drinking and taking painkillers but what else could I do?
                          
I let my eyes close, pretending to myself that I was going to sleep, but who was I kidding? I was wide awake in the middle of the day and Teo's screams and yells of happiness rang like a fucking church bell in my mind.
                          
Did he always scream when he played or was I just becoming hyper aware now?
                          
I sat up in my bed again, realising that I really wasn't in a good place. I was slipping and if I didn't get back on track again, it wouldn't take long before Dr. David but me back in medication.
                          
I reeled at the thought of Dr. David. In all honesty, he had no power to make me do anything now, but if I wanted to be there for Mateo, I had to make sure that I was okay first and Dr. David knew how to make me okay. I hadn't spoken to him in weeks so I guess now would be a good time to reach out.
                          
Just as I reached out to my bedside table to pick up my phone, a gentle knock came from my door. Not bothering to try and find out who it was, I yelled for the person to come in.
                          
“Miss?” the dark hair of Abigail, one of Daniel's maids, came into sight. I forced a smile onto my face as she let herself in. “Um, Mr. Pablo is downstairs and says he wants to see you?”
                          
I didn't want to see anybody. I had half the mind to make her tell him that I was asleep, but I realised that it probably wasn't good for me. With so many people in the house, there was no real reason for me to feel this lonely.
                          
“Oh? Tell him I'll be down in a second.”
                          
She nodded her head and picked up the wineglass on my table despite my protests before before making her way out of the room. I sat alone in the darkness for a few minutes, willing myself to get up and do something. Anything. I hated when I got like this. When even breathing seemed like a task.