CHAPTER 33: Farewell

                                    

                                          
IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT, Eren stayed quiet as your soft inhales and exhales resonated in his ears. You were laying in his arms, your head on his chest, trusting that when you woke up, he'd be there to smother you in his love along with maybe a hangover pill. He buried his face into your hair, wishing that things could be different for the two of you, that things could stay the same way it was when life was simple. If things ever went in his favor, he'd hold you like this forever, like he always did.
                          
But it was nearing four o'clock in the morning, and the train to the front lines would be leaving soon.
                          
Eren had planned it all out in his head. He'd dress in simple clothes and wrap a white armband around his bicep to pose as an Eldian soldier drafted off to the front lines. 
                          
"Kruger," he'd say when they would ask for his surname. "My last name is Kruger. I have amnesia and I've forgotten all my memories." 
                          
Then he'd be on the train and off on his way before the dawn broke. 
                          
He wondered how you were going to react when you woke up. Would you be sad? Furious? Or maybe understanding? His gaze returned to your sleeping form, quietly breathing and snuggled in his embrace. No... it would hurt you too much. Ever since you were sixteen, you had entrusted your fragile heart into Eren's hands, and over the course of time, it had grown into a tight bond of trust and love. 
                          
He had promised you. He had promised Captain Levi. He had promised himself that he would never do anything that would break your heart.
                          
For maybe the briefest of moments, he paused to reconsider his decision.
                          
"I love you, Eren. Let's get married, like you said."
                          
He wanted to tell you that he wished things were different. That he couldn't explain how things were with you right now because there had to be tough decisions to make. That it wouldn't do you any good loving you anyway because if you got married you'd most likely come to resent him sooner or later.
                          
Eren knew you could never abandon your people. You had the heart of a true noble soldier — a heart that was devoted to the service of the people. It was doubtful that you would ever be able to live with yourself if the two of you had disappeared with the stars at night. You could be temporarily happy, maybe, but would you ever be free from the burdens that would rest on your shoulders? 
                          
It seemed as though Eren would have to be the one breaking promises between the two of you tonight.
                          
"See you later," he whispered, kissing your lips. "Take care of yourself in the meantime."
                          
"Eren," you mumbled, talking in your sleep. "Don't go..."
                          
"I have to," he replied, though he doubted you were awake to even hear his response.
                          
"Please stay..."
                          
Eren paused — were you awake? But no, you had merely fumbled around in your sleep. He sighed, and he slowly shifted around the bed so that you were no longer in his arms but sleeping on the pillows. He could still feel the warmth of your body against his, but it was slowly fading away. You inhaled a little, and your arms reached out as though you were searching for him, wondering where he went.
                          
He missed having you in his embrace already.
                          
Eren gazed at your sleeping form, tranquil and still as though you were living in a world where nothing could bother you. He wished that it could be true, that a universe where your problems were unimportant and your responsibilities weren't so tough on your back existed. It was appealing to climb back into bed and join you in your sleep. But he knew that if he fell into temptation now, he might lose the strength to set his grand plans into motion.