Six

                                    

                                          
The air still feels thick around us and I want to jump up and hug the hell out of Eva. But I remain seated while she goes through the multiple drawers to the right of my head. 
                          
She clears her throat again and says, "You know, I thought this would feel like a betrayal. Bringing someone else to the room I shared with my wife, to our freaking closet." 
                          
Oh. 
                          
Oh. 
                          
So she's regretting bringing me here. No matter how much it cuts me, I'd never force myself upon Eva or her memories of Lydia. I start to speak but she cuts me off effectively by saying, "It doesn't, though. I don't know why. Maybe it should, maybe I'm upsetting Lydia's memories but it doesn't." Pause. "It feels natural, I guess." 
                          
"Eva." I stretch my arm and rub her arm while still being on the floor. "I could go, you know. And I'd understand." 
                          
She faces me. "How do you get to I could go when I literally said your presence here feels natural." 
                          
I stare at her forthcoming eyes and can't think of anything but, "Thank you." 
                          
She releases a—repressed, I'm assuming—breath and goes back to rummaging in the drawers. "I've always been flirty, and after Lydia I didn't stop. I flirted with everyone, had some occasional, um, encounters at parties too, but yesterday when I was coming to see you it felt like the most real thing after her. And I got scared of how real it was. That is why I thought I was moving on and came here. "
                          
I stand up and half hug her on the side. "You don't have to explain anything to me, okay? We can take this as slow as you want. And if you don't want anything, I'd understand that too." 
                          
She grabs my hand and tenderly kisses my knuckles without facing me. "How are you so amazing?" 
                          
I just shrug, not exactly sure how to reply. 
                          
"But it's not fair to you," she continues. "Having you here, surrounded by the memories of my wife; none of this is fair to you." 
                          
"Are you freaking kidding me? Maybe that'd have been the case if it was someone else but I was your friend before we went to this," I gesture to the air between us, "so I know you and Lydia are a package deal. Besides," I break away from the hug and sit back down so that she can continue searching, "your whole face lights up when you talk about her. Why would I deny myself that beauty?" 
                          
Maybe my first choice for dating someone wouldn't have been a woman—who is also my boss—with a dead wife whose secrets she is unearthing, but I know for sure that my first choice would be Eva. This woman who comes with a whole lot of baggage but also a lot of light. 
                          
Eva never even turns her face but says really quickly, "You havenoidea how gratefulIam to haveyouhere." 
                          
"Always," I whisper. 
                          
Eva moves farther right to the next set of drawers. She's taking a lot of time with everything, more time than necessary with each object, but I have no problem, especially since I know this is her first time here after Lydia. 
                          
"Tell me more about her, Eva. About Lydia." 
                          
Eva is holding a golden piece of silk in her hands and looking at it wistfully. After a few beats, she drops it back in the drawer and moves to other items. "She called my hair sunlight. And my eyes moonlight. An ethereal mix of everything celestial." 
                          
Just after uttering the last word, she snaps her mouth shut and turns to me wide-eyed, probably thinking she's gone too far. 
                          
I just give her a slow smile. "And you thought I'd be jealous. How can I, when she was so right and loved you so much?" 
                          
Eva just stands there, hands hanging at her side, before charging at me, crushing my lips in her searing ones. Her hands find their way into my hair while I grip her upper arms to steady myself. Our mouths move in eerie sync, before she pulls away, bringing our foreheads together with closed eyes. I keep them wide open and stare at the worried lines around her eyes. 
                          
"And then she cheated on me," Eva exhales against my lips. 
                          
Okay so here's the thing: I don't think Lydia cheated on Eva. I don't know why I think that—I didn't even know the woman—but I do. Usually my gut feelings are not strong, but this one is. I am sure there's some sort of explanation. 
                          
However, if she was cheating on Eva, then Lydia Ackles was the worst person to ever breathe on this earth. 
                          
Eva breaks away from me slowly and walks over to the last drawer left to search on this wall. I settle down, trying to regain my breath.
                          
"What do you even hope to find here?" I say, then after a moment add, "Genuine curiosity. What do you think you'll find?" 
                          
"Blood," she whispers. 
                          
"Har har, very poetic. Seriously though?" 
                          
"No, no," she faces me and says with an urgency in her voice, "I have found blood. This is Lydia's dress." 
                          
She holds up a shimmery pink floor length dress. I scrutinize it closely to find small patches of dried blood on the hem. 
                          
"What does this mean?" I ask. 
                          
"Only one way to find out." She fishes out her phone and starts typing furiously. 
                          
"Who are you texting?" 
                          
She looks up and smiles, a little diabolically. "I have some contacts. We're gonna get this checked to see if it's Lydia's blood. If not, then we'll find whose. This may be our way to the mystery guy." 
                          
Or it could be Lydia's. From some earlier attempt.