THIRTY THREE

                                    

                                          

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          
                          
(No Longer Alone)

                          
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"SOME DAYS... ITS JUST HARD BEING ME." 






                          
Lucy nervously ran a hand through her hair as she paced back and forth through her room. She didn't understand why she felt so overwhelmed. No big event was happening and it wasn't a school night but she couldn't shake the terrified feeling from her body. She needed to distract herself from the stress but her mind couldn't focus on anything else. She was getting angry with herself. She couldn't pin point the cause of her stress. This kind of thing had happened to her before and it was times like this where she felt alone. She knew no one could help her.... she didn't think anyone would understand what she was going through. The room felt like it was slowly suffocating her causing her to sit down on her carpet. She felt like she couldn't breathe as she inhaled excessively. "Just breathe.... come on...... stop being weak." She whispered angrily at herself as she pulled her legs to her chest. Usually she was able to calm herself down but she felt like she was gonna run out of air. She started panicking even more than before as she pushed her body into a standing position. Her vision blurred as her eyes landed on her door. She debated whether to ask her family for help. Lucy weakly pushed open the door as she walked across the hall. Her eyes landed on Corys room as she struggled to breathe. "Cory!" She yelled as she entered her brothers room. 
                          
"Not Cory... but I know you were secretly wishing I was in here..." Shawn says in a flirtatious tone as he turns around. His mood changes the second his eyes land on Lucy. She had a panicked look on her face as she had tears running down her cheeks. "Hey... hey... what's wrong?" Shawn asked her softly as he made his way over to her. "I.... I can't breathe..." Lucy chocked out as more tears flooded down her face. "Shhh... I got you." Shawn reassured her as he pulled her into his embrace. She clung onto his body as she continued to gasp for air. "Listen to me... just close your eyes..... and focus on the sound of my voice... only my voice..." Shawn tells her in a sharp tone. "But I can't breathe." Lucy stuttered in pain. Shawn felt his heart hurt as she clung onto him. He hated seeing her like this. It was worse than any other pain he had felt. "Don't think about that... okay... I know it's hard but just close your eyes and imagine me and you at the ski lodge... sitting by the fire place... it's quiet.... nobody else is around... it's very calm." Shawn tells her in a comforting tone. Lucy closed her eyes as she focused on the sound of Shawns voice and the feeling of his heart beating against hers. She took in his familiar scent and felt comfortable in his arms. 
                          
"It's just you and me... I got you.... you're gonna be okay... I got you." Shawn tells her as he gently rubs her back. Lucy stopped gasping for her air as her eyes remained closed. She feared that if she opened her eyes the nervousness would return. She stayed clinging onto Shawn for what felt like ten minutes. Shawn held onto her tightly hoping he could ease some of her pain. He felt terrible for her. He couldn't believe she went through so much and nobody knew about it. Lucy's breathing started to get slower as she felt a wave of embarrassment overtake her. She hated other people feeling the need to take care of her. It made her feel guilty. She felt safe in Shawns arms but she hated that she had to ask for help. She slowly pulled away as she quickly rubbed at her eyes. "I'm sorry." She says as her voice cracks. "For what? You didn't do anything wrong." Shawn tells her softly as he gently grabs her arms. "I just.... nobody should have to deal with... all of this." Lucy mutters as she gestures to herself. Shawns eyes were filled with hurt and worry as she looked up at him. "Lucy... you are an amazing person...everyone has issues... and if people truly care about you they will be willing to help you... you should never feel afraid to come to me for help... I come to you for help all the time.... and I know you don't care or judge me... and you should know I would never judge you." Shawn tells her truthfully. Lucy stared into his eyes causing her chest to hurt. She didn't know how to react to his kind words. She had never felt like she could go to anyone with her problems but she knew she could trust Shawn. He cared about her more than anyone and he only wanted to help her. 
                          
"I should go back to my room... I don't need to be a burden for you any longer." Lucy says frantically as she lets go of his arms. Shawn quickly grabs her arm and pulls her attention back to him. "Don't ever say you are burden to me.... when I'm with you... I don't know... normally I feel like something inside of me is missing... like I'm empty inside but with you.... I don't feel like that... I like being around you Lucy, so don't ever think that your presence is a burden to me." Shawn tells her in a sharp tone. Lucy gave him a soft smile as their eyes locked. Shawn took a step closer to her as he gently grabbed her hands. Lucy felt sparks enter her skin as she looked down at his hands holding hers. She looked back up at him causing their eyes to meet again and she was mesmerized by his beautiful blue orbs. Shawns eyes slowly looked down at her lips as he started to lean in. He was inches away from Lucy's lips when... "Stop...." Lucy stutters as she takes a step away from him. Shawn gave her a confused look. "You are only going to hurt me...." Lucy says in a disappointed tone. Shawn ran a hand through his hair as he tried to think of what he was gonna say. He knew she was right. "I need to go to bed." Lucy says awkwardly as she looks down at her feet. "I want to kiss you." Shawn says softly causing Lucy to look back up at him. "You have hurt so many girls in the past....why would I be any different?" She asks him in a serious tone. "You aren't just some girl... you are Lucy..." Shawn tells her softly. "You are going to get bored of me and move on... and I can't lose you... not like this." Lucy tells him sharply as she quickly leaves the room. Shawn opened his mouth to stop her but he didn't know what to say. How could he promise her he wouldn't break her heart when he had no idea what the future held? He wanted to be with her but he didn't trust himself enough to not hurt her. He hated seeing her in pain and he wanted to avoid causing her any stress or heartbreak.
                          
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Lucy and Shawn belong together ugh 😒