09

                                    

                                          
    It's been three weeks since we met Chan and the boys. I was actually surprised that I grew to like and enjoy the company of all four of them as quickly as I did. The four Mafia members were really cool people, and I could tell that even Minho was accepting Jeongin and I as a part of their friend group. 
Over the past three weeks I got really close to Hyunjin, closer than I thought I would honestly. We had exchanged numbers and have been messaging each other everyday since. There was something about Hyunjin that made me want to trust him, and he was also understanding, kind, caring, and just an overall amazing person. I felt like I could talk to him about anything and everything, and I could tell he felt the same way.
Currently, Hyunjin and I were laying on the floor in the middle of his room. I don't know how long we were lying there silently but it felt like hours. It wasn't awkward though. 
"So... I overheard Felix saying to Seungmin and Jeongin that they needed to be more patient with you, because you had some sort of secret. Is.. is that true?" Hyunjin asked quietly, breaking the silence. I turned my head, my cheek was touching the floor so I could look at Hyunjin who turned to look at me too.
"Yeah, it is." I replied softly. Hyunjin nodded and we simultaneously turned to face the ceiling again. We fell silent again and I knew Hyunjin wanted to ask more questions but kept them to himself. 
"I'm scared." I muttered softly and I heard Hyunjin let out a soft breath.
"Scared of what Ji?"
"Of.." I sighed and his hand found its way onto mine as he laced them together. "...Of what you guys will think of me when I tell you my secret."  
"Why would we think any different of you?"
"Because.. well it has to do with my past." I felt Hyunjin stiffen beside me and hold my hand tighter.
I paused. "With who I am." 
"You don't have to say anything if you're not comfortable enough to. I don't want to force you." Hyunjin spoke softly and I nodded lightly.
"You know if it makes you feel better, I have a secret that I haven't told anyone." Hyunjin said and I hummed in response, as a way to tell him to continue. He did.
"I've.. I've been in love with Felix since we were seven. But I feel like he only likes me platonically, like a brother." Hyunjin whispered and it hurt my heart to hear how upset he sounded as he thought Felix didn't return his feelings. I turned my head to look at him and his expression was full of sadness and longing and I honestly couldn't stand to see it.
"Jinnie, I want you to listen to me." I started and he looked at me. "Felix loves me, platonically. I'm his platonic soulmate. He's so loving, and caring, and clingy, and just wants to make everyone smile, you of all people should know that. He's a total cuddle bug." I said and he smiled faintly.
"I've known him for three years and there's only been one person who can make him blush just by looking at him. I wish I could tell you who it is, but I don't want to break his trust. With that being said, I want you to pay attention to what I'm about to say." I paused and he nodded.
"You should never ever assume how someone feels about you until you go for it. Especially with Lixie." I stated and his smile widened. I let out a small giggle before sitting up. Hyunjin stayed laying down and I took a deep breath to gather some courage.
"My.. my childhood and my past before I met Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin.. was not.. very.. great." I struggled to find the right words as I stared at the wall with my eyebrows furrowed. I was getting flashbacks as Hyunjin sat up beside me and then I could feel him trying to take control.
Don't take over, I'm okay.
No you're not.
I'm with Jinnie, I'm not ready for him or the others to find out yet.
He stopped trying to take over and I sighed.
"It was hard, and dark. I was forced to do things I didn't want to do in order to survive in the world I grew up in. I uh became a different person at times. Someone who was me but also wasn't me." I stared emotionlessly at the wall as my words came out as a whisper. Hyunjin let go of my hand and instead wrapped his arm around me.
"You didn't have to tell me, Sung.. But I'm happy you trusted me enough to." The blonde whispered back as I leaned into his side.
"I.. I haven't even told Felix about this, or Seungmin, or Jeongin and I've been best friends with them for three years. I don't really know why I trust you so much or why I feel so comfortable with you even though we met three weeks ago. But there's something deep inside my heart that's telling me you won't think of me any differently even if you find out the full truth." I spoke and he nodded.
"It's not that I think Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin and the others will think of me any differently. But I don't know, it's hard for me to explain. I don't want them to hate me, or worse.. be scared of me." We fell silent as Hyunjin took in what I said. It felt good to get it off my chest even if it wasn't the full truth.
"I think you should tell at least Felix exactly what you told me. You don't have to if you're not comfortable but maybe you'll feel better if before you tell us the full truth, that at least Felix has some insight to it. I don't think you should be scared of what they'll think. Sure, Chan, Changbin, and Minho might be guarded or confused at first, but I know for a fact that Felix, Jeongin and Seungmin will never turn their backs on you. No matter how bad it might be." I was grateful for Hyunjin in all honesty. He knew what to say to make me calm down and see things without worry.
"On a happier note.. I uh I think Minho's hot. I know he doesn't smile often but he's so beautiful when he smiles." I stated with a shy giggle as Hyunjin chuckled and squeezed me tighter.
"Oooh~ Hannie has a crush~" Hyunjin teased and I shoved his shoulder playfully with a shrug.
"Maybe." I teased back and stood up before dashing out of his room causing him to laugh and then shout before chasing after me.
I all but yeeted myself onto the stairs railing and slid down it, laughing the whole way down and slid across the floor at the dismount. I swerved to my right to avoid crashing into a very confused Minho and ran into the living room before diving behind the couch.
"Where'd he go?" Hyunjin asked panting as he finally made it into the living room.
"Where did who go?" Jeongin replied feigning innocence because I know he saw me jump behind the couch for cover.
"Jisung, I swear I saw him come in here." Hyunjin said and then there was a faint giggle before suddenly hands wrapped around my ankles and I let out a shriek as I was pulled out from behind the couch by Hyunjin.
"Hello Squirrel." The blonde smirked and I realized too late what he was about to do to me.
That son of a Llama started to tickle the shit out of me before I could even react.