English Class

                                    

                                          
Things are bad. 
                          
So bad. 
                          
For starters, Ms. Pierce took time off to go to a "wedding". That's a load of bologna. She's been gone over a week now. Is the wedding in Australia or something? 
                          
Quinn hasn't said a single word to me. Not even in the hallways. I get that maybe she thought more than tutoring was going on that day, but Ms. Pierce made it real clear that she's straight. 
                          
I've been smoking way more than I'd like to. Artie's the only one that talks to me now, and we spend most of our time with cigarettes in our hands. 
                          
I realized something very depressing one day while I was smoking and cloud gazing.
                          
I kind of hate myself. 
                          
**********
                          
"Nirvana," Artie says, lighting his third cigarette. 
                          
"I guess Heart Shaped Box is my favorite," I conclude. It's a game we made up. We go back and forht saying band names and telling our favorite song by them. Lame, I know, but I'm okay with being a little lame. It passes the time. "My turn,..the Smiths," I say. 
                          
"Asleep," Artie says almost immediately. 
                          
"But that song's so sad," I groan, making a face. Artie laughs and then sighs. 
                          
"Can we be serious for a moment?" he asks.  
                          
I give him a confused look. 
                          
"We're always talking about how we wouldn't mind dying, you know? But that's garbage. My life might suck, but I don't want it to be over." I see him start to tear up. "I, um, I have...lung cancer," he shakily mumbles out.
                          
I smack the cigarette out of his hand as my eyes widen. 
                          
"What the hell?!" I shout. He won't even look at me. "How long have you known?" 
                          
"Almost a month..." 
                          
I take the pack of cigarettes from him and chuck them as far as I can throw. 
                          
"We're done with this. Our lives aren't over yet. Your life isn't over yet." Artie halfway smiles and wipes his eyes. I feel awful. I'm sure he feels worse. 
                          
We sit in silence for a minute until Artie finally speaks. I think he's going to say something about life or cancer, but he just says, "I heard Ms. Pierce came back today." 
                          
**********
                          
I trudge into English and sit towards the back. Ms. Pierce looks right at me, sending chills up my spine. I can't help but picture us back at her cute little apartment, her in a band shirt and me in sweatpants. She halfway smiles at me. 
                          
Quinn struts in and the smirk on Ms. Pierce's face instantly vanishes. She straigthens her blouse and turns to write on the board. 
                          
"How was the wedding?" Quinn asks after sitting down directly beside me. She's doing this on purpose. 
                          
"Fine," Ms. Pierce says.
                          
"Why were you gone so long?"
                          
"That, young lady, is none of your business." 
                          
"So you know that we're too young?" 
                          
Ms. Pierce is speechless. 
                          
"Quinn, shut up," I say through gritted teeth. 
                          
"Don't tell me what to do, Teacher's Pet," Quinn laughs out. 
                          
"Enough!" Ms. Pierce cries out. Her face is red and she looks like she is about to cry. 
                          
"What the hell is going on?" Rachel asks. 
                          
No one answers her. 
                          
All eyes are darting back and forth between me and Quinn and Ms. Pierce. I see Artie in the corner of the room. He looks just as pissed off at Quinn as I feel. 
                          
Ms. Pierce turns back to the board and keeps writing. 
                          
"Today we'll be talking about Shakespeare," she starts, completely changing the subject. 
                          
Quinn leans back in her seat, a smug look on her face. 
                          
**********
                          
The bell rings and I am relieved. 
                          
As I'm walking out, a hand grabs my wrist.
                          
I turn to see Ms. Pierce, staring at me with bug blue eyes. 
                          
"Santana, can we..." She trails off, looking down at her feet and biting her lip. She looks back up at me with watery eyes and shakes her head. "Never mind, just go." 
                          
I open my mouth to speak, but then decide not to. 
                          
It pains me, but I turn and walk out the door.