Chapter 5

                                    

                                          
*tw: slight mention of anxiety/panicking, slight mention of transphobia*
                          
ranboo pov:
                          
i left it a couple of days before i decided to tell phil tommy and techno that i was trans. i hoped they'd take it well but obviously i was still worried. i didn't know how they'd take it, they just new me as ranboo they don't know anything about me really.
                          
i asked them all to join in a vc with me because i had something to tell them. i can't really imagine what was going through their heads but they all joined relatively quickly.
                          
i started shaking a little and my breathing was a little uneven but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for me - i was used to panicking over little things so it makes sense that i'd panic over this. 
                          
'hey mate, what's up?' phil asked as technoblade finally joined the vc, being the last to join after tommy, phil and i had kind of just sat in silence for a few minutes.
                          
'i, uh, i have something that i'd like to tell you guys if you don't mind. yeah' i spoke quite quickly, trying to get this over with so i could try and calm down a bit after i left the vc. i was really terrified now and i could feel myself shaking.
                          
'yeah of course, what's up?' tommy spoke, calmer than usual.
                          
'go on mate' phil also chimed in.
                          
techno didn't say anything but i knew he was listening.
                          
'so, i know this is probably a lot to take in but you don't have to, you don't have to change anything, i just thought it'd be good for you guys t- to know that i am... transgender, female to male, and tha- that is part of the reason i don't do facecam streams or show my face or my hands and yeah.' i stammered out as fast as i could, holding my breath as i anticipated an answer from the three.
                          
'oh poggers' tommy said, 'thats awesome!'
                          
'aw mate, we still love you the same. it wouldn't matter what you identity as, we love you for you.' phil comforted.
                          
'bruh that's awesome.' techno said, in his usual monotone voice.
                          
'thank you guys. i am gonna go now though. talk to you later, bye!' i said quickly, leaving the vc.
                          
i instantly took my headphones off and left my desk to go to my bed and just curl up. i let the tears finally fall down my face as i felt ... accepted? 
                          
this was a new feeling. i've never felt so accepted before. my mother and my school gave me a hard time with that so the tears were not sad tears. they were happy and overwhelmed tears.
                          
of course my dad was supportive, but i've never felt this sense of belonging before.
                          
i fell asleep, happy tears still streaming down my face.
                          
~~~~~
                          
the next morning, i woke up around 10am, meaning i had slept for a good twelve hours. that's unusual for me, considering i normally stream pretty late and then wake up earlier than this. 
                          
that's when i remembered i didn't stream yesterday, and my fans were probably worried because i normally stream every day. i sent out a quick tweet on my alt to try and console them.
                          
Ranbalt    @/ranbaltboo 
Hey guys! Sorry for not streaming last night, some stuff came up but I should be all okay for tonight! Aiming to go live around 6pm est :D
                          
i left twitter and opened discord, to see some dms from tommy, phil, techno and tubbo. they were all congratulating me for coming out and it brought a smile to my face. i truly didn't deserve my friends.
                          
as 6pm drew nearer, i set up my stream and made sure everything was okay. i went in my offline chat and smiled more as they noticed me there.
                          
starting stream, i saw some people upset that i had missed a day and i felt bad about it, of course my voices took that to their advantage. 
                          
you've missed a day
                          
you've let them down
                          
you've let everyone down
                          
just give up already 
                          
i try to shake away my thoughts because i'd only just started stream and i needed to get my energy up, not drained away.
                          
i decide to get into a call with tubbo to distract me from my thoughts and we played on origins smp together.
                          
not much happened on stream, we just spent a couple of hours messing around and talking to chat.
                          
when i finished my stream, i heard my mum call me from downstairs. i instantly put my guard up. what does she want now?
                          
___________________________________________
769 words (funny number)
                          
make sure you eat and drink some water <3
                          
you're perfect :]
                          
slightly longer chapter???