Chapter 58

                                    

                                          
The whole journey home I thought about what I was going to say and how stupid I had been. I know a lot of things I said was uncalled for, but telling him I didn't love him anymore was crossing a line. Although in the letter he did say he would be waiting for me when I realised, so it gave me some hope. 
                          
I scrambled off the train as soon as the door opened and phoned for a taxi. It took what seemed like forever for it to arrive and without thinking asked for it to go straight to Ashton's house. I probably should have gone home to make myself more presentable first and put my bags down but I wasn't thinking straight.
                          
When I got to Ashton's and knocked on the door I immediately regretted my decision. Why was I being so stupid after everything I had done? He wouldn't want to talk to me, why did I even bother? I turned around and grabbed the handle of my suitcase and began to walk off 
                          
'Jade?' I heard Ashton's voice call from behind me
                          
'I'm sorry Ashton, I shouldn't have come' I said shaking my head 
                          
'Why are you here?' He asked plainly 
                          
'Why do you think? I'm so fucking sorry Ashton' I sobbed and threw myself at him and put my head against his chest
                          
He just slowly patted my head but not in a comforting way, I could tell something was wrong 
                          
'I'm so so so sorry' I said getting louder with each word 'I know now that I've been really stupid and I can't even believe I fell for it' 
                          
'Come inside' he said quietly and grabbed my bags and walked back into his house. 
                          
It upset me even more thinking about how he had taken this whole situation. If it was the other way around I'd be furious if he had accused me of cheating on him.
                          
We went inside and sat down on the couch and he sat across the room from me, which confused me 
                          
'Come here Ashton' I said 
                          
'No I'll stay here' he said with a straight face 
                          
I furrowed my eyebrows. Now I was really confused. 
                          
'I hope you can forgive me Ashton. I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am' I cried 
                          
'You know what's funny Jade? I would have forgave you straight away days ago, but now I've had time to think' 
                          
'What?' I whispered 
                          
'The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I thought you knew me better than that for one and know I'd never do that. But obviously not. I also thought you knew I wouldn't lie to you, and when I said I never cheated on you, you shouted at me calling me a liar. And if you thought that, who knows what you've been up to' he said staring at me blankly
                          
I sat with my mouth wide open in shock. Was he serious?
                          
'Is this a joke?' I asked half laughing 
                          
'I'm 100 percent serious' 
                          
'Well then' I said getting up and grabbing my things 'there's no reason for me to be here then is there' 
                          
'You dont have to leave Jade' he said standing up 
                          
'Why would I want to stay here when you've just broken up with me' 
                          
'I didn't break up with you. Technically you did that weeks ago anyway' 
                          
'Well you've just confirmed it now havent you' I shouted 
                          
'No, that's not what I meant' he said shaking his head 
                          
'Goodbye Ashton. This time I can say goodbye too, because I mean it' I shouted and ran out of his house
                          
How dare he! I was absolutely furious, who did he think he was? Accusing me like that! 
                          
I ran home and banged on my door until my mum opened it. I pushed passed her and cried. 
When she'd sort of calmed me down and sat me down , I explained everything to her. Her response was the complete opposite to what I was expecting. 
                          
'Jade' she gasped in shock 'even I know after thinking about it, Ashton would never do that!' 
                          
'You are kidding me? You never liked him and always said he'd break my heart. And now he has you're taking his side?' I screeched 
                          
'That was at the beginning Jade before it got serious. I'm not taking sides I'm telling the truth' she said looking at me 
                          
'Which just so happens to be Ashton's side' I spat 
                          
'You can't be shocked that he's reacted like this after all the horrible things I'm guessing you've said. You can't say he shouldn't accuse you like that after what you accused him of Jade' 
                          
I sat in silence and thought about it. It was true, but it wasn't the point. 
                          
'Well he shouldn't have said he would be waiting for me when I realised' I screamed 
                          
'Well you left him alone for a long time darling and he'll have obviously been sat thinking and coming up with horrible things. You're not one to talk, you're the same' 
                          
'I can't help it mum' I cried 
                          
'Well maybe you shouldn't have just believed someone without doing a lot of checking first' she said hatefully and walked away 
                          
This was all I needed. I ran upstairs and slammed my bedroom door. 
                          
I lay on my bed and thought an awful lot. I had taken it too far. What on earth lead me to believe that Ben was telling the truth. I decided to do the same as Ashton when I wouldn't listen to him. I would write him a letter too for whenever he decided read it. 
                          
I sat at my desk and pulled out some paper and a pen and thought about what I would write. 
                          
My beloved Ashton, 
                          
What was I thinking? That, I wish I could answer. Because I don't know what I was thinking. To be honest, I think I was looking for something to be angry at, because of the way things were going between us. Now I know that you never intentionally ignored me, but in all fairness, I didn't know that. Everything seemed to make sense, what I should've thought about was who it involved. You. 
Deep down I think I knew you'd never do that, but I was so angry. I shouldn't have believed it though and I dont know why I did. 
You're going to be ten times more annoyed with me when you find out who told me. It was Ben. Yeah I know, you'll be calling me the worst names as you read this and I understand because I deserve them and I agree with whatever you call me. I deserve worse than what you'd ever call me because I know you'd never call me anything bad. Because you're a true gentleman and you love me. 
Even though you're annoyed at me right now, I think you still love me anyway. I hope you do. Because I love you, so so much Ashton. 
                          
When you're ready to talk to me, you know where to find me. I'll be waiting and I'll never stop waiting for you Ashton Fletcher Irwin. 
                          
Because I know, despite what you said, that you still love me. 
                          
From your Jade xxxx 
                          
I ended the letter with the same line Ashton ended his. And I hope he'd notice that. Because it was true. 
                          
I grabbed an envelope from downstairs and wrote his name on the front and quietly let myself out the house and began walking to his. 
It was quite dark now now but I didn't care. 
                          
I arrived at his house I raised my hand to knock on the door but changed my mind. I took a deep breath and pushed it through the letterbox. He wouldn't want to see me and it'd be awkward if his mother answered. 
                          
When I got to the end of his path, I looked up to his window and his light was on. So he was home, I wondered what he was doing. I turned around and began to walk home. Thinking about how long it would take him to contact me. If he would even contact me.
                          
This could be the end of me and Ashton.