23 // happiness

                                    

                                          
There was only two more days when we would have our visit with rob and Rachael I was feeling extremely overwhelmed knowing it was coming up so fast but that also meant there was only three more days that I would have to go back to school which meant I had a lot of organising to do with Ava, I had to call daycares I had to talk to mel to see what good daycares were around here, I wanted to put her in one that I knew she was safe in and that the staff look after the kids, this would be the first time I would be leaving her and something didn't sit right with that with me. 
                          
I also started thinking maybe I should move out I feel like a burden and I feel like there's not enough room here for us, they already had three kids and I just brought three more people into the house, we're all sharing a bedroom and I've got a noisy kid on my hands which sooner or later they would get sick of that. 
                          
So with that being said I walked downstairs and outside to where Mel already was having a cup of coffee "Mel can I please talk to you" 
"Of course darling what's up?" She replied with a smile on her face 
"Do you know any good daycares around here that I know my daughter will be safe at" 
"Yes there's one around the corner I know one of the staff at and a few of my friends kids went there including Jayden best daycare ever" 
"Thanks I'll give them a call"
"I have there number I can give it to you"
"Thanks there's another thing" I said looking to the ground 
"What is it" 
"I think maybe we should move out I just feel annoying to put all these extra people in your house when you don't have the room for it" 
"Nonsense you don't need to move out tay we love having you here even if there's not much room we can make it work for now I was actually going to talk to you and Tiffany  about getting ready to finally adopt you" 
My eyes widen that's how she feels about us? She really wants us and she doesn't want to give up 
"I'd love that" 
"Well let's go call the daycare and talk to tiff hey" 
I nodded my head we went inside to call the daycare and we have a inspection tomorrow morning and then we went to our room to talk to tiff and told her everything that Mel just said to me she was so excited her eyes widened she was jumping up and down in the air before pulling us all into a group hug which just made me laugh, this was all I wanted for my sister and I to find out forever family together not apart and we finally did we finally found people that won't give up on us that will help us with whatever we need that will understand us and give us advice as any parents should we never had that before and we weren't used to it but now it's different and we better get used to it pretty soon. 
                          
Two days went by pretty fast and I did everything in my power to do thing with Ava and to enjoy every minute of it, we went to the park we went to the beach we saw tye once again, we enjoyed family time and she seemed like she was finally settling in but now we had an hour to be ready to meet up with rob and Rachael I was nervous to say the least I didn't know what to expect but I was doing this for Ava and rob since he was the nice one and I was more nervous to see racheal I never knew what she was going to do or the looks she'd give me. 
                          
The park was big, it had a water park and then just a normal park I knew the next park I was going to take Ava to would be here. Rob and Rachael ran up to us when they saw us getting out of the car and Ava was just simply standing beside me holding my hand, I was surprised she didn't run up to them as well, as the approached us rob picked Ava up and spun her around which made Ava laugh, Ava gave them both a big cuddle and off we walked back to where the support worker was. Rachael hasn't given me any deaths stares YET maybe that's because she's happy and thankful I brought Ava or maybe she was just too busy paying Ava all the attention. 
                          
I just let rob and racheal spend time with Ava without me following them around 24/7 even thought I wanted to I just watched from a distance and every now and then Ava would run up to me tell me what they were doing and give me a big hug George she ran back to play, which made my stomach and heart hurt less because she made me comfortable and she made me realise that she knows I'm her mum and she comes to me to reassure me that everything is okay even if she didn't know that. 
                          
This whole week we've been working on our relationship getting to know each other and finally forming a bond, we played we laughed we sung we danced we weren't getting our mother daughter relationship and I couldn't of been happier but seeing Ava play with rob and racheal, made me think, they would always somewhat be her family they were always there and I'm just the mother that couldn't be there I was trying to hold my tears back watching them play and laugh I know it was selfish of me but I couldn't help how I felt, they've done more for her than I ever have and even though that wasn't my fault, I felt like it was.
                          
But this was just the thing I had to do for the agreement to allow to have my daughter in my life and the main thing was I had her in my care they only see her once a week and I had to do this to make everyone happy. 
                          
And she was happy, she was happy at home, she was happy with my family and friends, she was happy with rob and Rachael and she was happy right here right now at the park and that was the main thing my little girl was happy. 
                          
We spent about two hours at the park before we left, Ava said her goodbyes and they thanked me for bringing Ava even racheal did, I asked Mel to drop us off at the park down the road, there was one person I wanted to see right now but when she stopped the car I realised Ava fell asleep so I got her pram out of the boot and carefully picked her up trying not to wake her up, I looked around the park to see tye wasn't there so I gave him a call 
"Hey are you free to come to the park" I said as he answered the phone 
"Of course I'm always free for you I'll be down in 5" 
"Okay see you soon" 
Most people would think he was scaring meeting him at first because he had tattoos and he had dark skin but honestly he was the sweetest guy he had sweet words he was fun he was good with kids and he was friendly to those that were friendly with him. 
                          
He arrived right on time to my surprise but as soon as I saw him I ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug and he decided to pick me up maybe he knew something was wrong 
"Are you okay cupcake" he said as holding me
"I guess" I replied 
"What's up?" 
"Just came back from the visit with rob and racheal it was hard" 
He held me for a few minute until he put me down and we sat down on the grass, he put his arm around my shoulder and told me to talk to him so that's what I did, I told him exactly how I felt, I feel like I could talk to him for hours he honestly made me happy and I hope he felt the same way, he just listened and after I was done he just held me until Ava woke up 
"Little missy your finally awake" he said as grabbing her out of the pram and giving her a big cuddle when she woke up a little more she gave him the biggest smile, they both honestly melted my heart. 
                          
Ava connected the fastest with Tiffany and tye, I reckon faster than I and her connected. 
                          
After mine and tyes little talk we all chased Ava around the park her favourite thing to do it felt like we were all a happy family, a real family but we weren't. 
                          
I was starting to really fall for Tye James Parker.