6

                                    

                                          


                          
Chapter 6
                          
The apartment stayed a mess over the past few days, it was as cold as usual, and if you looked closely, you could see a lot of little empty packages of L's favorite candy, lots of open take away boxes, mine and L's laptop laying around, books and clothes. The mess in the apartment was the only proof that we were still alive. I needed him to stay by my side, he gave me so much, which I couldn't return. His comfort. I found the home, I had lost, between his arms. 
                          
I couldn't unlove him, and I didn't want to. Wherever L went I followed. 
                          
The day after the kiss, felt as weird as expected. The morning went by quicker. We kept on finding ourselves, touching ourselves in a nonsexual way. At some time, we were both sitting on the couch, apart from each other, as L slowly got up. It seemed like he wanted to get the charger for his laptop. Instead, I gently pulled the chain, pulling him closer to me. He smiled and let me. Sitting next to me clinching on to my arm, as he looked how I was typing on my laptop. His chin was on my shoulder, out of boredom he played with my hair, talking again about something random. If I recall correctly, he was talking about the annoying and drastic weather changes in Tokyo. As I said, nothing important, but to me his voice was like music. I tried really hard to remember how he sounds, I never wanted to forget that sound. 
                          
I wished I could protect him from everything, including the truth and myself. But I guess we all have stories we will never dare to tell.
                          
You did something for me that I couldn't do for myself. You loved me for who I am. 
                          
We ate, we talked, we did everything we would do on other days. I tried to open up so badly, but I was afraid, afraid that he was using me, afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of been seen as weak, afraid of my feelings, afraid of myself and afraid for L. I'm afraid to lose L, because I know I won't find the feeling L gave to me in anyone else. It pained me at a very deep part of my heart.
                          
The rest of the day went by slowly. I was constantly having the feeling of fear in my stomach, as if I knew something bad was about to happen. After all it was still L, I wasn't yet sure if I could trust him 100%. I must not be taken over by my emotions and I have to remain a step ahead at all costs.
                          
L's head was laying in my lap and I was flipping thru some random book. I would have to finish the book for school, if I ever went back.... He was playing around with a necklace that I gotten since I was a small child, I wore it ever since. He was flipping the pendent around. I gently stroked his hair with my other hand, touching some small braids that I've braided before. I wrapped them around my finger. L was still playing with my pendant like a cat. As he suddenly got up, looking at me and leaning forwards to get my focus off the book I was reading. 
                          
"Heyyy light," he sighed, making gestures trying to gain my full attention. "Light, could we do something? This is so boring and tiering."
                          
I rolled my eyes, placing my hand on his face and pushing him away. "Shut up L, I'm reading."
                          
He leaned forward and tried to flip the book out of my hands. I sighed and pushed him again. We started fighting over the book. L's laugh filled up the room. He snatched the book out of my hand and teased me with it, I rolled my eyes, smiled, and kissed him. I felt his smile under the kiss, as he leant in. His arms were over my shoulder as I held his waist. He was sitting on my lap facing towards me, as he said "Light, let's go outside, please." His forehead pressed against mine. I showed him off me, as I gently pulled the hair away from his forehead and placed a quick kiss on it. "Okay, you annoying idiot..."
                          
We got dressed, took off the chain and made our way to the elevator. It was already starting to get dark outside. I walked and noticed that L had stopped walking. I turned around annoyed.