Every time she called, she would go on about Roxanne. She would tell me that she wished Roxanne and I worked things out. Mum was hesitant at first when I came out of the hospital the first time I got shot, but when Roxanne and I moved to Ireland, Mum changed her mind about Roxanne pretty fast. They clicked perfectly. Almost every other Sunday, Roxanne and Mum would go shopping or even grab coffee together. Roxanne told me that Anne and my mum filled an emptiness with their motherly affection. Roxanne told me once that she wished her mother and her had the same strong bond Anne and my mum did. 
                          
"Did you know she's here?"
                          
It took me a moment to register what Mum just said. "What?"
                          
"She's here. She's in Dublin! Roxanne actually told me that she had a restaurant already, but wanted to open another one. I've been wanting to go eat there."
                          
"Wait, Mum, wait," I sat up from my bed. "You knew Roxanne was in town? She actually called and told you that?"
                          
"Yes, she did."
                          
"When did she even call you?"
                          
"Oh, a few days before her flight." 
                          
"Why didn't you tell me?"
                          
"I didn't think you would want to know."
                          
"Well, she's the one I saw last night, Mum. I ran into her when I was getting back from hanging out with my coworkers at a pub. Believe it or not, the pub that I went to was the one Roxanne opened."
                          
"Really? Well, that's quite a coincidence, Niall. So, what did you two do last night?"
                          
I rubbed my forehead. I couldn't believe that she knew Roxanne was in town and that she was really having this conversation with me. "Mum, the fact you're talking about this so causally disturbs me a little bit," I admitted to her. "I mean, she's my ex wife. Shouldn't you be telling me to move on?"
                          
"Oh," Mum said and paused for a moment. "Do you want me to?"
                          
I sighed, "I don't want to keep living with the thought of Roxanne and I getting back together. I mean, it's been hard, but I'm trying."
                          
"You're still writing songs about her though," she pointed out. 
                          
"Should've kept that to myself," I mumbled as I walked to the kitchen to look for something to eat. "I don't think it's healthy to be living my life wishing she would come back."
                          
"Well, she is sort of back, honey."
                          
"You know what I mean. I still love her. I will always admit to that. It's just...if she comes back into my life, I don't want to keep having to let her go and then come back. If she still loves me and wants to be with me, then it's for forever. It's not fair or healthy for us to keep doing this."
                          
"You're right, it's not, but it's also not healthy to keep waiting for her to decide what she wants. Same goes for you."
                          
"Right," I took a deep breath and shut the refrigerator. "I'm going to go. I need to catch some sleep. I'll talk to you later. I love you."
                          
"Love you too, Niall. Everything will work out somehow. You'll see." She hung up the phone and I leaned against the counter, thinking. 
                          
Was it a smart idea to risk playing this game again? Roxanne and I would be together, something crazy would happen, we'd fight, we'd make up, fight again, and leave each other only to come back once more. Would the cycle keep continuing over and over again? Was this going to be the moment the cycle stopped spinning or would it keep spinning? I didn't want it to keep spinning, but something always put in a test. The stupid part about this whole mess is I wouldn't even know if the cycle would stop or continue unless neither of us entered the cycle again or we did enter it and see what would happen.