I'll Go With You

                                    

                                          
STEF POV 
                          
"You have enough to eat babe?"I ask Frankie as we are resting out back on the lounge chairs after enjoying the giant Thanksgiving dinner. It had gone really well and had been such a nice day so far as she cuddled next to me for I had missed this. I had missed all of this with my daughter, and laying here outside with her was just the icing on the cake. Course I hated the fact that Lena went right over to the motel after dinner to be with Callie but there wasn't much I could do about it right now. There really wasn't and I'd continue to stay out of it the best I could.
                          
"Yeah, I think so although I'll probably go back for thirds." She giggles as I run my fingers through her long curly hair. The air feels rather warm for November in Sacramento and I must admit I'm enjoying it for I was never a fan of the cold. 
                          
"Me too. I'm so happy you are here babe. I know it's just for a little bit but, seeing you is what my heart needed."
                          
Feeling her lift up she now sits up a bit and looks right at me with her own intense hazel eyes as I feel her grab my hand and rub it.
                          
"Mama, I can come home anytime. Do you need me? Seriously do you?"
                          
"NO, I do NOT love. Just because I tell you I miss you does not mean I need you here. I just love seeing you is all. Can't Mama just say how she feels." I smile as she squeezes my hand and I continue to play with a long strand of her curly hair.
                          
"You can Mama and I love seeing you too. But you know I'm not dumb."
                          
"That I know honey. But, I really am just happy to see you, and my heart missed you. Last time I was away from you was when I was in Chow. I mean this isn't the same but you know what I mean babylove."
                          
"I do. But for real, it's hard to believe there was a time I wanted to just get away from you. Like I can't imagine feeling that way now." She admits as I softly smile at her.
                          
"Ahh most teenagers go through that phase babe. I was hard on you too. I was really hard on you. And Mama Lion was right in the fact that if I didn't watch it I'd push you away. That was never my intention but  fear can get the fucking best of anyone." I admit as she moves even closer to me and affectionately tucks my blonde hair behind my ear. I don't know when she got so damm grown looking but she is.
                          
"Mama, were you really scared I was gonna end up in jail?"
                          
"Mm, I was. Not because I think poorly of you but because you were so much like me. I felt, shit, she is gonna make the same mistakes I did. So I tried to control you and steer you but I went about it all wrong babygirl."
                          
"Mama, even if I am like you, I'm not trying to go to jail. I  have plans and I can't run no Lions Den." She laughs as I can't help but bust out laughing myself. "I wasn't built for that Ma."
                          
"Please, you could. You are tough as shit Frankie. No getting around that suga. You are yourself, and I love you for who you are. You are good girl, strong woman, everything I wanted in a daughter you are sweets. You're not mixed up in shit like I was at your age, and you have your head on straight.  But you're tough sweets. More than you know, and I should have trusted you enough than to know that."
                          
"Hindsight is 20/20 Mama. And I'm tough only because I have your genes but you don't have to worry about me going to jail. I know I do alot of stupid crap but I'm working on not being so impulsive and thinking more."
                          
"I'm glad to hear that. You have been working on that for awhile babe. Takes time." I say playing with a strand of her curly hair as she smiles.
                          
"I know. Did it take you time?"
                          
"Ha. I'm still working on it. I have my moments love." I say as I see her looking right at me and I turn to smile at her. "What's up sweets. What's on your mind? I know you want to say to something to me."
                          
"You still having nightmares? About Tula?" She says as I clear my throat and take a sip of seltzer for this wasn't something I ever spoke to her about. Not really just my nightmares about jail but not this and I was wondering how she knew. "I mean I know Mama. You never spoke about it but I heard you a few times. Are you still having them?"
                          
I am quiet for some time as she moves even closer to me and I'm surprised to feel her cup my cheek and turn my face to look into hers. When had this girl gotten so, so mature.
                          
"I'm gonna say what you say to me. Talk to me. I know she meant something to you Mama. And I remember when she came over that night all messed up and bruised up. What happened to her? I mean what are your nightmares about Mama." She asks for I never told my kids what happened. Not one of them as I look down and look back into her soft eyes. "It can't be worse then anything I've heard before."
                          
"She shot herself in the head babe."
                          
"Shit. Damm. Really?"
                          
"Yeah. Really babe."
                          
"I'm sorry Mama. That's just so fucking hard. That's real hard."
                          
"It is babe. It's a hard pill to swallow. Ya know. And um, I'm ok. I'm gonna go to therapy for all this."
                          
"I'm glad. I'm glad you are gonna go Mom. There's no shame in that you know. Just saying."
                          
"You sound like your brother. Jude." I laugh.
                          
"Well, yeah he knows a thing or two about that. But, I don't mind going to Tula grave with you."
                          
"What? How did you know about that?" I ask looking at her surprised as she shakes her head and smiles.
                          
"I just know Mama. And I know you blame yourself for her killing herself.  Which you shouldn't. I know she was in love with you and everything but, at the end of the day everyone makes their own choices.  Same with Callie. She choices not to get help. That's not your fault. She could have stayed in the center and gotten the help she needed. So don't let her do that to you Mama. Don't take the blame for her fall. You do alot for everyone and you can't be there 24/7. Callie needs to grow the fuck up, and get her shit together instead of blaming you and Mama Lion. It's on her Mama not you."
                          
Nodding my head at my wise and beautiful daughter she squeezes my hand and winks at me as I smile and pull her in to lay beside me. Softly I kiss the top of her head as she wraps her around around my thin waist.
                          
"Thank you sweet girl of mine. I love you."
                          
"I love you too Mama. I love you too."