Collins
While Jordan and Jay were talking, I stood behind the hallways corner, listening to the conversation. I could here Jordan's voice cracking in the middle of a sentence before Jay started talking. I didn't wanna get sad so I just stopped listening and put on GTA in the bedroom, grabbing the mic and sending an invitation to one of my friends.
When they finished talking Jay came in the room and sat beside me, taking the controller and turning off the game. "Let me talk to you." He said while turning to look at me, me doing the same and instantly seeing his eyes redder than before. "I don't want to talk about it." I said softly and glanced over to see Jordan walking passed the door into his room. "We have to talk about."
"Why? What will talking about it do beside make me cry?" My voice cracked and that only made me more upset, tears already welling up in my eyes. "I want you to cry Collins. I know what holding stuff in can do to you mentally and I want you to be able to tell me everything. You get what's happening to Jordan but you don't know at the same time, right? Don't you wanna ask questions?" I wipe my eyes and turn to look at the dark TV screen. "Is he getting worse?" I see Jalen nod from the corner of my eye. I let out a shaky breath, my tears fogging up my vision instantly at the thought of the upcoming answer. "How long does he have?" It's quiet for a long time. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears as Jay clears his throat gently. "Hopefully a year, maybe 2 if God is on our side with this."
A loud ugly sob lurches from my throat and Jay hurries to hug me into his chest, squeezing me tight and in the doorway I see Jordan standing there crying silently. I cover my sight by burring my face into Jalen's chest further. "I know, I know but Collins it'll be okay. You'll be okay, we'll be okay. You have me and mom and- and all of your cousins and friends." I can hear how Jay is crying by the way talks, even if he's trying to hide it. "How could he do this to us?! He hates us!! GOD HATES US! WHY IS HE TAKING MY BROTHER?!" Jalen only holds me tighter and I cry hard in his chest, his shirt getting soaked with my tears and snot.
"Don't you ever say that. God is the one that will get you through-"
"I FUCKING HATE HIM!!" It get's quiet after that, except for my crying and the fast beating of Jay's heart against my cheek.
Jordan
Collins fell asleep after crying and me and Jay just stayed and watched him for a while. I walked over to the bed, took his shoes off then covered him in the blanket. "What are we gonna do when you're gon man? If something happens to mama then what will I do? I can't raise him by myself..." I turn and see Jay tearing up too and it makes me get angry. I don't like someone as strong as my brother cry and the fact that it's over something like this only make me rethink how much God really loves us too. "Nothing's gonna happen to mama and after I'm gon you'll be alright. Let's focus on right now and not worry bout how long I got or how bad my health is."
"How can I not when Collins is crying his fucking eyes out like this Jordan? You getting that surgery and I don't care how much we gotta spend." I scoff and start to walk to the living room, not wanting to wake Collins up with this conversation. "Do you even hear yo-self? You know that getting the surgery will only cut my year way fucking short. I'd rather live until this cancer take me out then die on a fucking opeating table. I'm not about to let us waste 9 million dollars on a surgery that will only have me live for about 7 more months dude, you think that shit gonna help? I'll quite smoking and even start eating better if I got to but I'm not doing that surgery. I'm not." By the end of my words I was already sobbing, my voice breaking every other word and my shoulders shaking. "I don't want Collins seeing me all bald headed, cripple and only skin and bones. I don't want no type of radiation or surgery to make unnecessary ass marks on my skin and I will kill my fucking self before I have you spend 9 millions dollars on me!"
