with every rose comes thorns (64)

                                    

                                          
Gerard pov.
                          
My leg bounced anxiously as the van drove closer to Ohio and further away from New Jersey, where I needed to be. 
Taylor called roughly an hour ago and since then I've been rooted in my spot, unable to move, unable to say anything.
                          
26% chance of living. 
                          
The thought alone sent a shiver down my spine. I needed to get back to Jersey. She was scared and alone and probably needed someone right now. We only spent just short of three months together but I helped her though so much and I felt somewhat responsible for her.  
                          
I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I twisted my neck up to see Mikey with his glasses resting on his head. 
"You've been sitting here for a while, you okay?" 
                          
I cleared my throat "yeah, yeah I'm good" I shook off some of my thoughts.  "Just thinking" 
                          
Mikey sighed, immediately understanding what I was saying
                          
"Look-" he jumped over the back of the couch and landed with a thud next to me "-the odds seem bad right now, but we have to trust the doctors and trust she'll get better"  
                          
I lean forward and rest my forearms on my knees. Thinking and talking about it made me stress beyond belief. "I need a cigarette" I decided. 
                          
"Are you gonna wait for our next stop or smoke inside again?" Mikey asked, a tinge of mockery in his voice. 
                          
He thought it was silly that I couldn't always wait for the next stop and often stood by a window instead. 
                          
"I'll take the window." I pushed myself off the couch and crossed the small space to the tour bus window. 
                          
Sliding it open I was immediately smacked with a gust of wind. I hadn't realized quite how fast we were moving, it only instilled a greater fear in me that I was traveling further and further away from where I needed it be.
                          
With shaky hands I unwrapped a new box and took the third one from the top row. With the wind so strong I had to shield the lighter with my hand, but I got there in the end. Mikey soon joined me with his own lit cigarette sitting in his mouth.
                          
We stood in silence. Both too occupied to say anything. I took a deep drag, hollowing out my cheeks as I breathed in the smoke. 
                          
There were so many things I had to tell Mikey, so many things I was hiding and was too much of a coward to admit. 
                          
Truth being told, there was a lot he didn't know right now, big things. Things he'd probably like to know. But I was too scared, too scared of what he'd think and too frightened about what might happen if I admit it. 
                          
I let the smoke fill my lungs with no intention of letting it go. It calmed me. Even after the first breath I felt less anxious. Mikey felt that too, but at the end of the day,  he'd never struggled trying to quit as much as I did.
                          
Yet, here we both stood smoking a cigarette inside because we couldn't wait for the next stop. We were similar like that, we never really held ourselves to important things. 
                          
"We need to turn this bus around" I said quietly. Not making eye contact but instead staring out at the quickly vanishing city. 
                          
We'd almost made it to the borders, once we crossed there'd be no way we could get back without doing the Ohio shows first. And I wasn't sure how much time I had before-  before its too late for Taylor. 
                          
I know it was grim but when you have a 74% chance of dying you've got to start looking at the bigger picture. You have to assume the worst. 
                          
Mikey turned to me, an incredulous look on his face. "You did not just say that"