27. Incredible

                                    

                                          
Maddie's POV
I didn't mean to pry. I really didn't, but when I saw the open notebook on Elias' kitchen counter, I couldn't help but look at it. Especially because I had nothing to do while I anxiously waited for him to return. 
What I read shocked me so much I had to sit down. 
I knew about the mission that ended up in his being sent home, hurt, but I didn't know what actually happened. 
It turns out he was captured by some Taliban and held in a dingy cellar for three days. 
They beat and tortured him day and night and once even almost drowned him in an old oil barrel that was filled up to the brim with murky water. 
When I read the part about the barrel, I started feeling sick, so I skipped ahead a couple of pages, not wanting to read more about his being tortured. 
For a few pages he talked about how he hasn't been sleeping properly ever since coming home, which explains why he always has dark circles under his eyes.
I was just reading about him attacking his sister a few days ago because she startled him when he came back into the room. 
I spun around with tears in my eyes when he said my name and, looking at him now, I can't imagine he's actually been through all of what I just read. 
He's so sweet and kind and even though I always felt like there was something he wasn't telling me, I never though it would turn out to be something as sickening as this. 
I feel especially bad knowing how guilty he must be feeling for hurting his sister. 
"Elias, I-" I stutter when he stares at the notebook in my hands. "I didn't mean to-"
He wordlessly closes the space between us and gently takes the notebook out of my hands. 
"You weren't supposed to read that," he says quietly.  "What are you doing here anyway?"
His question feels like a blow to the stomach, making a tear roll down the side of my face. I came here to tell him how I feel about him and now I've broken his trust...
"I- I just wanted to talk. Please, I'm sorry for reading that," I say with a shaking voice, gesturing at the notebook he's clutching to his chest. 
He drops his gaze to the ground and says, "You should leave..."
"Elias, please..." I stammer as my eyes inadvertently drift down toward the bullet-wound scar on his shin.
"You have to leave. Now," he says sharply, making me jump a little.
"But I-" I get up and reach forward to touch his arm, but he pulls away, looking up at last to meet my eyes with his own. 
"Don't... I don't want to hurt you," he mumbles, cradling his arm as if he just hit it on the edge of a table or something..
I feel tears burning in my eyes, desperation growing in the pit of my stomach. No...please don't push me away. 
"You're not going to hurt me, Elias," I sob. I try to reach forward again, but just like before, he pulls away, even taking a step backward. 
"Stop, please. I-I'm not good for you. You don't need any more damaged goods in your life..."he pleads, his voice breaking. 
"No," I say weakly, taking a step forward. "Close your eyes."