38. Dark Days

                                    

                                          
"Has she eaten anything yet?" Joel asked his wife as she came down the stairs. 
"No.  She's drinking so that's something. She's still in shock. It's only been two days. Give her time."
"She's not even cried yet. That's not normal.  She was so close to her dad. This has knocked her for six. She's going to make herself ill." Sophie kissed Joel on the cheek and went into the kitchen. She switched the kettle on.
"Do you want a hot drink? I need coffee." 
"Yeah, go on then. I'll have one too. Honey, I hate to say this but do you think we ought to call Seb? He does love her even if they are having problems."
"I'm not sure Joel. I don't want to interfere. It's not our business."
"He could help."
"If he's even interested.  He's been a jerk lately."
"I know but I do believe he loves her."  Sophie didn't know what to do. She didn't want to upset Lottie more by involving Seb but maybe Joel was right. Seb might be the only one that could get through to her. 
"Call him," she conceded.
                                   ***
Seb was out in the garden tidying the flower beds when his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket. Joel. What did he want?
"Hello Joel."
"Seb. Listen, I know I'm probably one of the last people you want to talk to right now but Lottie needs you."
"Why doesn't she tell me that herself instead of getting her lapdog to do it?"
"Seb..."
" No Joel, she doesn't get to do this. She wants space from me. Now she wants me."
"Seb, she doesn't know I'm calling.  Her dad died mate. She's in a bad way. She just lays in bed all day. She's not eating, not talking. Sophie and I, we've been trying. But we can't get through to her." Seb's heart sped up.
"I'll be on the next flight."
"Thank you Seb. She's staying at ours. If you tell me what time you're landing I'll pick you up."
"I'll let you know."  After ending the conversation Seb quickly booked the next available flight and started packing. He'd have to fly to Saudi from England so he packed his stuff for there too. He was desperate to be there for Lottie. He wanted to hold her and tell her it was going to be ok. All thoughts of their argument was forgotten. All he cared about was being there for her.
                                      ***
Joel was waiting outside as Seb emerged from the airport. He spotted him and went over to help Seb with his bags.
"How's she doing?"
"Same."
"Thank you for calling me Joel."
"No worries. Just don't expect Sophie to greet you with open arms. You're not her favorite person right now."
"I understand. Joel, what I'm going to tell you goes no further ok? It doesn't excuse my behaviour but it might help you understand a bit more."  Joel nodded at him to continue as he started the engine. " I haven't been myself lately. All the business with my ex wife....everything I'd been bottling up. My divorce, the Ferrari crap, it all came flooding out. I felt like my head was gonna explode.  I felt like I wasn't good enough for anything. That I shouldn't even be in Formula 1. That I wasn't good enough for Lottie .  I've been seeing a counsellor. Even when I was in Australia I was having Zoom meetings with him. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown but she saved me Joel. Just by being there, by being her. She persuaded me to get help.  And I repaid her with my jealousy. I was dealing with a lot of shit but I should never have taken it out on her. I want to put things right. But most of all I want to be there for her like she was there for me. Because I love her Joel. She is everything to me. And I want to prove that to her. Even if it takes the rest of my life. I just hope that she still loves me."
"Mate, I'm sorry. I've been harsh towards you. I know you love her. And she does still love you. I know she does."
"I hope you're right. I don't know how I'll get through without her."  They drove on in silence and before long they were pulling up outside Joel and Sophie's house. 
"You'll have to kip on the sofa unless Lottie is happy for you to share with her. We've only got the two bedrooms. Unless you want to book in to a hotel. I never thought about this earlier."
"The sofa will be fine Joel, I want to be near her."  Sophie had opened the front door for them as they walked up the path. She leant on the door frame, arms crossed, glaring at Seb. 
"Sophie."
"Sebastian."
"I know you don't like me very much at the moment. But I think we can both agree that we want the best for Lottie."
"Seb, it's not that I don't like you. I'm just really disappointed in you for the way you've acted. That girl loves you to bits. You've been a dick. "
"I agree. I'm ashamed of myself. I promise you I'm going to make it up to her. I'm going to be the boyfriend she deserves. If she takes me back. I will beg on my knees if I have to."  Sophie uncrossed her arms, her expression softening.
"You'd better Vettel."  Joel led Seb into the kitchen. 
"Do you want a drink and something to eat before you go up to her? I think you should."  He nodded. 
"Thank you.  Just a sandwich will be perfect. Cheese if that's OK."  Sophie nodded.  "Is she still not eating?" Sophie shook her head. 
"She's had maybe a few bites of toast since she had the news," Joel answered. Sophie placed Seb's sandwich and a glass of apple juice in front of him. He thanked her and bit into his sandwich. He had soon finished it. 
"I'm going to go to her now."
"First on the right as you reach the top of the stairs."  He nodded. He walked up the stairs. When he reached her door he hesitated for a minute. He didn't know how to do this. He pushed the door open and entered the room. She was laid on the bed facing him, but her eyes were closed. As she heard him enter the room she opened her eyes.
                                       ***
Lottie heard someone coming up the stairs. She really appreciated Sophie and Joel. They couldn't have done anything more. But they couldn't fix this. They couldn't bring her dad back. If she just stayed here in this room and didn't cry then she could pretend that everything was OK, that he was still alive. She'd never felt more alone in her life. She heard the door open.  
She opened her eyes, expecting to see Sophie or Joel with yet another plate of toast to try and tempt her with. 
At first she thought she was hallucinating through lack of food. Surely that wasn't Seb stood there looking at her. It couldn't be. Why would he be here? They were over. She blinked rapidly several times. He was still there. 
"Liebling. It's OK, I'm here. I came as soon as I heard. He really was here! He sat down on the bed next to her. She sat up. He held his arms open and she fell into them, sobbing. 
"He's gone Seb, my dad's gone."  He held her tight to him.  There was nothing he could say.  The only thing he could do was be there.