Chapter 21 - I tried to scream, but my head was underwater

                                    

                                          
YOUR POV
                          
I was four when I discovered my love for cycling. Dad refused to buy me one because he knew I would likely end up hurting myself. After practically begging my parents for a bicycle, Ced finally convinced them to buy me one for my sixth birthday. He promised to keep an eye on me and to make sure I wasn't getting myself hurt.
                          
I was allowed to take the wheel to a certain distance so that it would be easier for him to check up on me. But of course, being the shit I was, I didn't listen. One day I decided to take the bicycle a little far.
                          
In my defense, I imagined I could touch the sun if I just crossed the horizon. Obviously, that didn't work out, and I ended up falling on my way back. My leg got hurt and the bicycle fell on my legs making it impossible for me to move.
                          
I tried to shout for help, but nobody was around and Ced didn't know where I was. I was convinced that this is how I'm going to die: in constant pain with no means to escape.
                          
It took Ced two hours to find me and until three days ago I was sure that that was the worst kind of pain; being stuck in constant agony with no means to elude.
                          
I was so certain I could never feel that hopelessness ever again until now; being trapped in endless pain with no one to help you. Surely that is the worst misery one could possibly endure.
                          
This feels just like those two long, excruciating hours. I'm stuck with this insufferable amount of pain and the only person who could pull me out of it is gone.
                          
Ced is gone.
                          
***
                          
Cedric's wand is...was made up of ash, with a unicorn hair core. Ash wands are very devoted and loyal wands. Since Ced is gone, the wand is most likely no longer usable, as ash wands tend to lose their power once used by a different person. Cedric is going to be buried with his wand.
                          
The person who came up with the word funeral must be a sick sadist because it's anything but the first three letters of the word. I have decided to not attend his funeral and that might make me the shittiest sibling out there, but right now I'm mad at Ced. Mad at him for participating in this stupid tournament, Angry at him for being so perfect and lovable. Furious at him for leaving me.
                          
"Y/n, are you ready?"
                          
"No, " 
                          
"Honey, you need to go. You need to cry and mourn to move on,"
                          
"I don't want to," 
                          
"y/n, I know this hurts but -"
                          
"I'm not going." 
                          
"Cedric would want you-"
                          
"Mom, guess what? Cedric is dead. It doesn't matter what he would have wanted. You do know that, right?"
                          
She opened her mouth to say something, but then decided it wasn't smart to argue with me. She just signed loudly before leaving.
                          
The only person who's doing as shitty as I am is dad. He's really sad and I get it. I mean, if I were left with a child I despised rather than the one I loved, I'll be sad too. He's just mad at everyone, shouts at mom, and stays late at work.
                          
Mom just pretends everything is fine. She pretends as if I'm the only kid she's ever had. Some might say that this is better than this excruciating, heart-wrenching pain I'm feeling but honestly, it isn't.
                          
It makes me feel like Ced never existed, even though he was a pain in the ass. Okay, he wasn't, he was perfect like in every fucking way possible. He was my person. The person who knew me and everything about me.
                          
I knew everything about him, his goodness, his flaws, but if I'm being honest there weren't many flaws. He was as perfect as they come.
                          
Nobody is going to know him the way I did.
                          
Merlin, that's a loss for humankind. Not being able to know Cedric Diggory is a loss for everyone and I keep thinking that no one is going to have the fortune to know him.
                          
No one is going to know the funny, smart, quirky Ced. Nobody is going to know the Ced that cried when he found me injured on the ground with a bicycle on my leg. Nobody is going to know the Ced that stayed up all night with me when I couldn't sleep after our grandfather's funeral. Nobody is going to know the Ced that supported me when I came out to him. Nobody is going to know the Ced that constantly fought dad so that I could be accepted.
                          
Everyone is going to recognize him as the kid who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. That's what his legacy would be. The kid who died for Harry Potter.
                          
How am I supposed to move on from this?
                          
A/N- This is probably the shortest chapter I've written in a while and it took me so long to write it. I might have cried like 4 times while writing this. 
                          
Just wanted to get y/n's mental state out there before we did a major time skip. 
With love,
Pri