Chapter 17 - I was brought up in a line

                                    

                                          
YOUR POV
                          
"I know you want to say it, Ced. Just say it,"
                          
"I'm a bit perplexed,"
                          
"Okay, first of all, I get it you have an amazing vocabulary so stop showing off," I attempted to deflect the upcoming discussion with humor, but Ced knew that and wasn't having my bullshit.
                          
He tilted his head in exasperation asking me to go back to the subject that actually mattered. "Alright, I know what you're thinking, and I don't know how to explain all of it. I'm sure Cho told you what she saw, but it's complicated, and I'm also very perplexed."
                          
He chuckled and I carried on. " Pansy is confusing. One second she's being a total bitch to me and then the next she's being genuinely decent, and I don't know how I feel about all of this, about her."
                          
"Do you like her?" He questioned.
                          
"I don't know,"
                          
He nodded in understanding before proceeding. "Zabini is a nice guy. For some weird reason, he is really into you, but I understand that you don't reciprocate those feelings back. You need to figure out your feelings, but don't hurt others in the process. Please let him down gently."
                          
"Yeah, um, so how's your practice going?" I tried to change the topic and sensing my discomfort, he went onward with it.
                          
"The second task is approaching, and it's freaking me out. Father just keeps owling me again and again about how mad he is that Rita Skeeter gave Harry Potter a whole section on the front page, and frankly, I don't give a shit."
                          
I chortled at his casualness and he continued. " I swear to Merlin once I win this tournament, I'm buying a house from the prize money, and I'm taking you with me. You don't have to live under father's roof any more than you have to. He has harmed you enough," this brought a little smile to my face knowing that my brother is doing this for me.
                          
A few months ago when he told me he was going to participate in this stupid tournament I told him I won't be supporting this until a few days later he told me he was doing this for me, for us. The winner receives a cup, 1000 Galleons and eternal glory, according to professor Dumbledore.
                          
We've been planning to get away from our household for a really long time now. I wasn't as perfect as Cedric and though my brother and mother didn't care about this fact, our father sure did. He didn't abuse me physically, but his taunting remarks and invalidation of my identity hurt just as much or even more sometimes. 
                          
Ced was always there whenever things became too tough for me and I'd breakdown. He told me he will take me under his ward the moment he turns 17 and earns some money. Of course, at that time I did not think he meant it, I assumed he was just saying those things to make me feel better, and it did help for the most part. 
                          
It wasn't until a few months ago that Cedric revealed his real intention for participating in this tournament. He wanted to use the prize money, so he could buy a small house for us. He's 17, and he's allowed to practice magic outside Hogwarts. Furthermore, he is an adult in the wizarding world capable of taking a ward under his guardianship.
                          
Things weren't splendid for Ced in our household either. Father had such high expectations from Ced that he would push himself to do things beyond his need like taking up all the subjects. Even though Ced always exceeded in everything he did, it still was pressurizing for him, and he knew that to do things slowly and by his choice, he needed this. Hell, we needed this to finally create some boundaries. 
                          
Boundaries. That's what we've been trying to create for years now. It's so hard to create them, especially when it involves our loved ones.
                          
We feel like we owe our lives to our parents and guardians for all the things they've done for us. Choosing ourselves over our loved ones feels like a betrayal. And even if we succeed in doing it, the guilt never goes away.
                          
Can one be truly free when there's guilt latched onto them? 
                          
"How do you feel, Ced?" I questioned, my face lacked any sense of mock due to my previous thought. Ced opened his mouth to joke about it, but when he took my no-nonsense face he signed and continued. "Honestly, I'm scared like a lot. This is not some tournament for me, you know. This is my ticket to buy a life for us. All I'm trying to do is focus on the main goal."
                          
I nodded in understanding. "You promise me something. If it ever gets too much for you, you'll back out I don't care how close you are or how much you need it for us. It's not worth it, yeah?"
                          
Ced jokingly raises his hand towards his forehead and saluted like a soldier. "Yes, ma'am!"
                          
"As much as I would love to stay here and watch you struggle over simple English words that are too complex for your minuscule brain. I'm afraid I've got a tournament to prepare for. See you later."
                          
***
                          
As much as I wanted to I couldn't stop thinking about what happened to Pansy the other night.
                          
After Cho kind of walked in on us, we just rushed out of there to our respective dorms. Blaise was very understanding when I told him I got sick the other night. Instead of being mad, he asked me to assist him out with Muggle Studies' homework. 
                          
Ced thinks that I should not be hanging out with Blaise, it's only going to get his hopes up. It's not like I don't know that he's correct, it's just that I don't have many friends. I mean, the only person who knows everything about me is my brother. 
                          
Having your brother as your best friend is such a loser-ass thing. So I would truly wish to have other friends as well. 
                          
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize when I bumped into her, again. Why does the universe hate me so much?
                          
"Watch where you -" she dropped back off the instant she recognized it was me. Before I could say anything she murmured a sorry and began moving away. 
                          
"Hey, Pansy," I called out, uncertain about what to say. It would have been better if she just didn't stop, but she did, and now I had to talk to her. "About the other day..." I started without any idea where this was heading.
                          
"It was a mistake," she finished hastily. 
                          
"We were both pretty drunk. I don't even recall how many fire whiskeys Draco brought for me, "She chuckled nervously but continued. " Let's just forget about the niceties and go back to the part where we hate each other, yeah?"
                          
I wasn't drunk. It wasn't a drunken mistake for me.
                          
I nodded I didn't know what to say. She took my silence as my acceptance and left with a small smile on her face. But that's the thing, I don't think I hate her.
                          
I don't think I could ever hate her. 
                          
A/N-If y'all haven't picked up I love tropes where character a pretends to hate character b and character b is like yeah I hate you too but they both secretly have a thing for each other. 
                          
Lmao I write more stuff with Ced than I do with Pansy. In my defense, Cedric is probably the perfect human/sibling anyone could ask for. 
With love, 
Pri