earliest submission date is april 27th. i don't know what to do & I'm scared & my heart feels heavy & my head hurts. i just. i don't know. i am in a very good place rn i think, mentally. but I still cry every night when i go over the last year and half of my life and how I will be the reason i am going to have a breakdown on the day i previously mentioned. i just feel so bad. i know i have to do it for my own sake. i know i have to. i know i have to. i know i have to. i just feel so fucking shitty. if i cry like every day about this now,,, how will i ACT when it actually happens?? I'm gonna drive to a random parking lot. and scream. i can't go home in a distraught state because my parents can't see me upset. i will only be able to be upset during the day. i guess i have my spare. I'm such a terrible person. i don't know why it came to this. yes, there were some shiiiiiity patches. don't get me wrong. but its so good now. i feel loved, very loved. i love to be loved! i love little texts and forehead kisses and hugs! so why do i feel like this? i am being luv luv luvvvvd! i am so happy with my life now! but just not that aspect of it. i don't get it??? am i broken??? oh well I'll just make spotify playlists about it,, more than the ones i already have made about it and maybe i won't delete this one lololololololololol the other ones were shitty of me but lol idc! its time to take my life back! okay my 1-2 friends seeing this,,, probably a month until lindsay's ultimate breakdown! mark y'alls calendars. walk again? SLFKSKJBFSDBFLSJKDBFKJSDBFKLSJBFKSJBFKSJBFKSJBFKSDBFKSBFKSDBFKLSFBLKSDBFKSDFBKSDJBFKJSBFKLSDJBFLKSDF what a terrible feeling this is!!!! I am just so happy with life, i really am, bUT NOT THIS AND IDK WHY!
am I just craving love and not the person?
idfk probably.
stupid exam season.
or should I now?
or is this a midlife crisis?
YOU ARE READING
my online journal
Randomsometimes we need to let things out, but can't say it to those who need to hear it - it happens to me a lot. i like to document my feelings. from 2019 to now - welcome to my mind.
