beginning

                                    

                                          
Me , myself and I , it has been always like this,  that's how your loner storyteller lives , I still can't figure out why I'm writing this , I overheard two people talking this morning - I'm not sorry for this - one of them said that in order to stabilize his life and clear his mind, he'd write anything,  just because it helps .I can't tell if i have the right to use his advice , since I am quite stable , i don't have a crowded life , or mind , it's not empty either , but writing anything that crosses my mind didn't seem to be that bad, you still need to know somethings about me right ? 
                          
Let's go by Jay , the name my parents decided for me , even i don't think it was a good decision,  but who am I to judge 
                          
Since it's just a beginning,  and I definitely seem to be the boring talkative  person, you need to know some things , to be able to connect everything once you get it, maybe understand me before I do myself 
                          
I've been living alone for a while now , in a new city , I'm here since 3 years .I walked every possible step in the roads of this city , but i still call it new , i know every secret this city has held in the past 3 years , but it's new , I've been to every place here , but it's new , I had at least 1 conversation with everyone in my environment,  but it's new , it will always be new for me , living here for 3 years , but I see it as new place,  because I'm not feeling the comfortable old feeling , or at least the typical daily feeling , everything seems to be new , even my couch , my bed , my window and the streets . It never made me feel welcomed , as if it's keeping its freshness for someone who's worth it , someone like me wouldn't deserve to grow old for .
                          
I'm not saying miss Smith,  my next door neighbor didn't welcome me well , or "Sir Anderson" as he wants to be called didn't greet me every single morning since I first stepped in , not that the Johnsons didn't smile every time they saw me , I was a part of this community,  I was accepted,  but not the kind of acceptance i wanted , I needed something to make me feel wanted, as a drama hater I really don't want to use this expression,  but it's the only one that delivers the meaning ,it feels like if one day someone else stepped out of my appartment, they'd treat them the same .
                          
You might think why is this guy so pessimistic , acting dramatic about what is actually everyone else's life , I don't know either , I'm just doing an advice that wasn't even for me 。I'm writing it out 
                          
As I'm talking right now , recording my thoughts actually,  I'm emptying the appartment,  I have no reason to , I got my rent paid , so my bills , i have a stable job as a photographer,  part time fashion designer,  and apparently I'm becoming a writer,  my income was enough to feed a family,  my appartment was big and clean and the neighbors were so nice , nothing to be used as an excuse to leave , but nothing to stay for either . I'm leaving this new city , looking for a home , a place to be wanted in . 
Or I'm just cleaning, and will come back to this appartment after a short walk outside . I can't tell