The whole reason

                                    

                                          
- Oliver -
                          
I look into Jeff's eyes and he looks into mine 
                          
" When I was about 9 years old my mother died of brain cancer, honestly it was devastating. Yeah I was young but I was old enough to remember her. She was sick all the time, wore wigs everyday. The doctor told us she only had a year left to live after she was diagnosed. That's when my world came crashing down. I can still hear the lifeline machine go flat, it's like it was just yesterday. When she died I felt like I lost everything but had my best friend named asher. He helped me get threw my recovery, of my mother's death. Let me tell you it was awful. But he never let me lose myself in the process. Yes matt was there but he has to worry about himself. He tried to help because the older brother he is but, it never worked. My fathers life crumbled apart, slowly. After she died he started drinking and drugs. He picked drinking and drugs over his own kids. Then I went and did drugs without telling asher or matt. When asher found out what I was doing he was so disappointed in me. Man I hated the way he looked at me, there was so much sadness and hurt but also worry in his eyes. There was never any ounce of him being mad at me ever. No matter what I did, he was never mad at me. He helped me get clean and got my life back on track. He helped me threw high school and I helped him too, but sadly he did not make it too graduation " Jeff takes a breath and I reach my hand and I gently rub his cheek. He leans in to my toucb and he continues
                          
" When matt and I would do small wrestlings gigs with other small companies, asher would come. He would support up, and be there to cheer us on. It was amazing, and everything was as it should be. When I was injured he would patch me up and tell me I did amazing even if I lost. But not long after my, that's when everything w-went horribly wrong " I see a tear fall down Jeff's cheek and he stands up and goes and sits down on a chair by the window and just stares outside. I get up and I walk over to him. I walk in front of him and I need down and I put a hand on his knee. 
" Y-You don't have to go on Jeff " I tell him. I can tell this is really hurting him.
                          
He looked down at his hands that layed in his lap. " After the night me and matt won aginced the ace brothers, they were not happy to lose to us. They called us pathetic, untalented bugs who just cheated to win. This went on for a little while and asher got in the ring and stood up for us. I tried to get him out of the ring away from them. He was not a fighter, hell he was so tinny just like you. Yes he was strong but not physically strong only mentally strong. They kept going back and forth when one of the brothers pulled out a knife. When I saw it I yanked asher as hard as I could behind me trying to protect him. He somehow used my own strength aginced me and I fell backwards. When I looked up asher got stabbed a few times in the stomach. There was blood everywhere........" Jeff stands up and I move out of his way. He punches a whole threw the nearest wall and I flinch. " I-I should have tried harder to save him. I should have got him out of that ring. I was not strong enough to save him. " He says
                          
Jeff picks up a side table and threw it aginced the wall and it smashed into small pieces. " J-Jeff " I say and he looks at me " You look and act so much like him " He says and walks towards me. He picks me up " from the way you dress, the way you talk, and stick up for me " He says " Why.... Why did you move me out of the way?! You have done everything for me but this..... You should not have died because of me. You died because you where protecting me. You had a whole life in front of you asher" Jeff screams in my face and tears are running down his face. I know what he is doing. Yeah, I'm scared, I'm terrified but it's Jeff I know he would never hurt me. I know know why. I look like asher and act like him. I know he just needs to get this out. 
                          
I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close, putting his head on my shoulder" Jeff, asher wanted to protect you with his life. I can tell he cared for you so much. He wanted to make sure your life k-kept going on. For you have to a family, and for you too live your dream. He would not want you to blame yourself. This was his choice. It was his choice to save you from the knife. It was his choice to push you out of the way. He did not care if he got hurt, to make sure you were safe " I tell him and I hold him close to me. His arms wrap around my small waist and he holds onto me tightly. " I'm so sorry " He says over and over. We fall to the floor and I keep holding him, letting him get this all out. There is the truth, his best friend looks like me and he wants to protect me, the way he was not able to protect his friend. I understand now. " Jeff I want you too know this was not your fault. Non of it was, I could say this over and over again but, I will show you this was not your fault with t-time if you allow me to stay in your life, I will show you. I know I am not as her and I never want to try and replace him b-but I hope you will keep my by your side " I say blushing and putting my heart out there a little 
                          
After a little while Jeff stops crying and his grip looses up. " Are you feeling any better " I ask and he nods still holding onto me. " D-Do you want too get some sleep " I ask " Yeah, that sound really good right now " He says softly and we walk to bed and lay down. He pulls me close again so i'm on his chest. " I'm sorry if I scared you earlier " He says and I give him a small smile. 
" You are alright, you just needed to get stuff out. It's not good to keep it in " I say to him and Jeff slowly closes his eyes. His breathing slows down and I know he is asleep
                          
" Goodnight Jeff Hardy "